


The Chay Ong Casefiles, Volume Two: If you Want Somebody Gone...

by Adonisus



Series: The Chay Ong Casefiles [1]
Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series), Helluva Boss (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, Mystery, Supernatural - Freeform, Thriller
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:07:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 28,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25448845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adonisus/pseuds/Adonisus
Summary: Some months after the job in Pentagram City, Chay receives a job from a certain Goetia demon in order to find some missing property...but things quickly get far more complicated than she had expected.
Series: The Chay Ong Casefiles [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1862344
Comments: 6
Kudos: 8





	1. Waking Up Before Noon

_**The Chay Ong Casefiles**_ by Adonisus

Volume 2: "If You Want Somebody Gone..."

(Helluva Boss, Hazbin Hotel and all related characters are copyrighted by Vivenne Medrano and their respective owners. All original characters created by me.)

 **Note from the Author** : As this story was written while the Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss franchises were still somewhat in their infancy, it attempts to follow the rules and canon that had been established at the time it was written. In the future, parts of this story may no longer make sense to the canon as it is later set. Please keep this in mind when reading this in the future.

Also, be advised that the following contains content not suitable for children (it IS based on an adult show, after all). Expect lots of foul language, grusome violence, and plot elements that are unwholesome at best.

Enjoy!

-Adonisus

* * *

She was still sweaty from the sex when her hellphone buzzed.

Morning was just rising over Imp City, and beams from the sun had, as they always managed to do, penetrate the blinds on the window with a sniper's precision. Maybe it was the position of the bed, or maybe it was the position she was currently in on the bed. She had tried to convince Lucius to invest in the automatic shading window panes she's seen online, but for an Imp that had recently come into money, he was shockingly stingey in the most inopportune times.

She rolled off of the bed and gingerly stood up, her head and her body still reeling. She picked up the phone and hit the answer button.

"This is Chay..."

" _You really need to work on your sales-pitch, girl."_ , a female voice answered on the other side.

"Then they shouldn't wake me up before noon. Like you are. Right now." She peeked throught the blinds, out onto Imp City's skyline.

" _Don't shoot the messanger here, Chay. Just relaying a message. Is Lu there?"_

Chay sighed to herself. "Hold on."

She walked back over to the bed. There was a small, pulsating lump lying underneath the sheets, emitting a loud snoring in between breaths.

She kicked it off the bed. It tumbled onto the floor in a tangle of sheets and irritability.

"Wake up, Lucius. Viola's on the line."

The sheets untangled themselves, revealing a four foot Imp with solid black horns, white sideburns...and nothing else. He groggily got to his feet, stretching and yawning. "Mmf...what time is it, Chay?"

"It's nine in the morning, and you need to get your own goddamn phone. You _can_ afford one now, you know."

"I _do_ have my own phone! It's not _my_ fault you decided to drag me up here for your little fuckfest without letting me get it out of my car last night!"

Chay shook her head and tossed the hellphone at him. "Just do whatever it is Viola needs you to do. I'm going to freshen up and get breakfast ready." She grabbed a fresh pair of undergarments and walked into the bathroom, cursing to herself the entire way.

Lucius shrugged his shoulders. He put the phone up to his ear: "This is Lucius."

" _Rough night?"_

"Meh...it wasn't that bad. But you know how Chay is when she gets...you know, _that way_..."

" _So she fucked your brains out?"_

"That's...one way of putting it. But anyway, what's this about?"

" _It's technically a job offer for Chay, sir...but it also involves the ILF, to a degree. So I thought I should tell you first."_

"You mean you wanted _me_ to tell her what you told me, so _I_ would have to be the one to relay the message."

" _That's true sir."_

"And take the brunt of her anger."

" _That is also true, sir."_

The Imp grumbled to himself and slapped his forehead with annoyance. She was not going to like this...

"Alright, lay it on me Viola. What's our part in this?"

" _It's not terribly time sensitive, sir...but you know that 'independent contractor' that helped us last year?"_

"The contract killers? Yeah, I remember them."

"Well, their CEO just called me about an hour ago. One of his clients is specifially asking after Chay..."

* * *

Chay stepped out of the shower and grabbed a nearby towel, wiping herself down. She wiped away a strip of fog in her mirror and gave herself a look-over.

Yep, she was still a corpse lady...though not quite as 'corpsey' as she used to be. Or was it just her imagination? She still had the sunken yellow eyes, the hole in her face where a nose should be, and a skeletal grin that her thin lips could not cover. But she felt...healthier?

It had been over a month and a half since the Valentino job in PC, and she had already begun to notice a handful of changes happening, and not just because of the money.

The money was _nice_ , obviously. Valentino had kept his part of the deal (perhaps against his better judgement, as his Receptionist had told her), and payed her handsomely. She had been able to not only get a proper apartment to live in, but she was also able to help Lucius and his crew get a better, more discreet headquarters, with new equipment and and a brand new private gym.

But there was also the _other_ chunk of change she had received, that coming from the royal treasury. The moth-demon Vagatha had told the truth: Princess Charlotte Magne not only payed up, she had payed _double_ what Valentino had given her. She even sent a personal thank-you note, embroidered with the official royal stationary (and several sketches of smiley faces and rainbows). She had managed to take that money, and get herself a proper office. She no longer had to work from a hole in the wall. She was even able to be more discriminating when it came to choosing what cases she would take.

...But to be honest, she still had a lot of money left over, and she still wasn't sure what to do with it. For now, it was locked away safe in an Imp City Bank, but whether it would ever make it back out into Hell's economy was another question entirely. She wasn't really sure what she was going to do with it...

And that was the other thing: in spite of having all of this new luxury, she had noticed that she had been able to keep her _hunger_ in check. For the 5+ decades she had been down here, she had lead an existence that was cursed by her Karmic penance: an overwhelming desire to _consume_. A constant gnawing in her stomach, desparate to be filled with food, or drink, or carnal relations. She had managed, after decades of trial and error, to find a way to make it manageable by leading an incredibly ascetic existence, having only one pair of clothes, a bombed-out hole in the wall for an apartment, and a strictly vegetarian diet, with only the black pepper and crushed chilis on her morning rice porridge as a luxury. But in the last few weeks, that had not been the case.

...Ok, that wasn't entirely true, if last night was anything to go on. She had, once again, dragged Lucius into her bed. This had happened in PC as well: after a Sinner named Crol had offered her shelter for the evening, she had stepped into his shower (after months of not having bathed) and suddenly had been overcome. It had ended in much the same way as last night.

But now? It wasn't as bad as it had been. She had been able to enjoy all of this luxury, and not completely lose her mind.

But _why_?

She opened the drawer below her mirror and pulled out her comb. Next to the comb was a small pistol, a pocket 9mm with a single bullet in the chamber. After having moved into her new digs, she had decided that it would be smart to make sure she had a weapon nearby at all times. She knew that her recent wealth would probably catch the attention of Imp City's worst...and of course, the ILF had their share of enemies.

Whether or not the bullet would do any _permanant_ damage was another discussion entirely...but that was besides the point.

After grooming herself, Chay put on her underwear and opened her bathroom door. The steam from the shower escaped into her wider apartment as she walked out.

Lucius was still completely nude, standing in the middle of the room with her hellphone to his ear, finishing a conversation she wasn't a part of.

"...Alright, got it. Tell them we'll call his sectretary this afternoon and set up a meeting...OK, fine, his 'adopted daughter' or whatever. I'll be down at HQ later this evening. Ciao."

He hung up and tossed the phone onto Chay's bed.

"Feel better?"

"Maybe. What did Viola have to say?"

The Imp grinned. "Business opportunies, my dear Chay. For you and for the ILF."

Chay raised an eyebrow. "...Who did you kill this time?"

Lucius's eyes widened. "W-what? No! It's not like that!"

Chay remained silent, staring at her Imp companion with pure skepticism.

The Imp shook his head. "I'm serious, Chay. I'm actually doing someone ELSE a favor this time. This isn't like what happened with Val. You won't even have to leave Imp City this time!"

She sighed. "Whatever. What time do I have to be there?"

"That's the best part!", he said, striking a proud stance with his hands at his hips. "I get to decide the time! So you won't have...to..."

He was _going_ to say _'wake up before noon'_ , but he stopped halfway when he remembered how close Chay was to his privates and how close he was in terms of kicking distance

Speaking of which...

He noticed that Chay's eyes weren't looking at him anymore. Those yellow irises had instead sunk down towards more southern regions.

The nude Imp grinned. "See something you like?".

"Don't fucking tempt me. Anything else?"

"Um...no, I think that's it. When's breakfast?"

"Later." She said as she walked over to her bed, and face-planted into the sheets. "Now fuck off and let me sleep."

* * *

A few hours later, a more well-rested and less-hungry Chay walked out of her apartment complex and out onto the streets of Imp City, picking stray pieces of rice from her teeth.

Of all the places that one could make their home in, Imp City was arguably the most agreeable. The Imps did not have all of the baggage that came with being a Sinner, like life in Pentagram City. Their lives were the closest to those one would find in the living world...and everything that suggested. Imps could be incredibly friendly, generous, even altruistic. They could also be backstabbing, manipulative, and vicious. Pretty much likes humans, in that regard.

But one should _never_ mistake them for human. Imps had many of the virtues of humanity, but they were fundamentally different in ways no mortal could comprehend. Imps lived in a violent, chaotic universe that saw them as the bottom tier of Hell's hierarchy, and they had developed in such a way as to survive in such a world. Imps were incredibly durable creatures, and could take normally fatal injuries in stride. They were also quick to violence in a way that mortals would find intolerable to manage. Because of this, their views of life and death were incredibly warped.

Of course, for the average Sinner, it was essentially paradise, especially for someone like Chay. One did not live for over fifty years in Hell with all of their limbs intact without adapting.

Then again, she had found other things to enjoy about Hell...

Her hellphone suddenly buzzed. She reached into her pocket and pulled it out.

She pushed the 'answer' button. "This is Chay."

A bubbly, happy voice answered on the other end: _"Hey there, Chay!"_

Chay perked up, her eyes suddenly widening with excitment.

"Hi, Shakie! How's tricks?"

" _Few and far between, thankfully..."_

The voice on the other end of the line belonged to Shakie, a felinoid-demon, former employee of Valentino and, for the last month and a half, a guest and inhabitant of the Happy Hotel in Pentagram City. Shakie had been a victim of the now-defunct Inferna organization, and had been delivered to the Hotel after Chay had seen her unconcious form dumped onto the sidewalk of PC's west side.

Since then, she had apparently taken quickly to life within the Hotel itself. Many of her former colleagues (including the Hotel's first patron, rather famous in his own right) had joined her in its halls and they had spent the previous month in tranquil, happy bliss under the protection of the Hotel's co-owner, Princess Charlotte Magne. She had also, at some point, gotten Chay's number (not that she minded), and her phonecalls had become a fairly regular feature of her week. Something she actually looked forward to.

Speaking of the Princess...

" _Oh, I almost forgot! Charlie took us all shopping yesterday!"_

"Shopping? Really? To where?"

" _To Rosie's Emporium. Alastor is friends with her. Plus I think Charlie's dad knows her, but I'm pretty sure he knows everyone..."_

"Huh. Have you...I mean, has he been..."

" _Charlie's dad? No, I haven't seen him around. I don't think they get along very well. But I have seen their family pictures in here. Oh wait, I have a picture to show you! Hold on, let me send it..."_

Chay's hellphone signaled that a photo was being sent. The photo loaded onto her phone and...

"...Is that Angel Dust with you?"

" _Yeah! He helped me pick out my new outfit!"_

"But why is he...nude?"

" _Oh, that's just something he likes to do as a prank. I think he calls it 'sausage surprise' or something like that."_

Chay looked at the photo more closely. It was a selfie, obviously (probably taken by Shakie herself), that looked like it was taken in the Emporium itself. Shakie was there, of course, and so was the very nude Angel Dust (who was only wearing a pair of red leather boots and a vest) giving a lewd wink to the camera. Vagatha, the Hotel's manager and security head, was standing next to him, giving him the stink-eye. She could see a series of what looked like expensive clothing items behind them, on various racks that were lined with hats, shirts, etc.

But what really interested Chay was the other person in the photo.

She was blonde, with a pale white face, rosey cheeks, and a black button nose (almost like a puppy dog). She was wearing what looked like a red tuxedo jacket, with a white button-up shirt and a black bowtie. She was giving a big, doofy smile that was both silly...and yet very warm. Just looking at it gave Chay a feeling of...perhaps 'comfort' was the word? And that was in spite of the fact that her grin showed rows of prickly teeth.

"Shakie...that other girl with you. Is that..."

" _That's Charlie, silly! Don't tell me you just now are seeing her!"_

Chay's eyes widened a little. _This_ was the daughter of the fearsome Lucifer Magne? Heir to the throne of Hell and future ruler? I mean, both Husk and Angel Dust had told her that she was a creampuff...but she thought that was only in relation to what was normal for Hell. The individual in this photo looked downright _pleasant_.

"I know of her existence, Shakie. But I just didn't imagine that..."

" _Chay, I know what you're thinking. But she is the real deal. And she's a total sweetheart! Chay..."_

Shakie got quiet for a second. She seemed to be trying to think of what she should say next.

" _...Chay. You really should come here. This place is...it's amazing. Charlie has really created something wonderful here and for the first time in years, I feel like I actually matter. "_

Chay sighed and looked over her shoulder at her apartment. If it weren't for her current situation...

"I know, Shakie. I know. But I just signed a lease on my new apartment..and I still have obligations here. I'm fixing to get a new case this afternoon. Besides, I told you already: Imps aren't too bad."

She could hear an audible sigh on the other end. She wasn't entirely sure if Shakie believed her.

" _Fine. If you say so, Chay."_

"...Are you mad at me?"

" _...No. I'm not. But Chay, you really need to ask yourself: If you end up overcome with the 'hunger' again, and you have no place to go...what are you going to do?"_

"I haven't had an attack in weeks, Shakie. I've been feeling absolutely fantastic!"

" _Yeah, and how long do you think that's going to last?"_

She didn't have an answer for that.

" _Anyway, I gotta go. I volunteered to help Nifty with some of the cleaning. I'll talk to you later, Chay."_

"Oh...OK then. Give the Princess my regards."

She could hear Shakie giggle on the other end.

" _I dunno...I think she'd prefer if you did it personally. But I'll do it regardless. Later!"_

Shakie hung up. Chay was left with her thoughts, and the bustle of Imp City.

* * *

"Over here, Chay!", Viola called.

Chay met her two ILF contacts at a small cafe just a few blocks from her apartment. Viola, wearing her normal black sweater and heavy mascara, was sipping at a sugary latte, whereas Lucius was guzzling an iced coffee and stuffing his face with a bagel.

The Hungry Ghost girl pulled out a plastic chair and sat down. "So...there a reason why we're meeting here and not at your hideout?"

"This invovles an old contact of ours.", Viola answered. "Lucius is a little paranoid about old contacts tracking his wherabouts."

"And not without reason!", Lucius said through a mouthful of lox and cream cheese. "Considering the kinds of people we work with, we would be foolish _not_ to be suspicious."

Chay simply stared at Lucius. "Really? Like who?"

Viola sneered. "Probably old fuck buddies."

Lucius sank into his chair, blushing.

Chay shook her head. "So getting back to the matter at hand..."

Viola pulled out her hellphone. "Yes, the job opportunity. Did Lucius tell you who our contacts were?"

She shook her head. "They were independent contractors. That's all I know."

Lucius nodded. "In a matter of speaking, yes. Last year we were involved in a struggle between a factory owner and the local union. The local Imp workers were being cruelly exploited by both the owner, the manager and the landlord of the property. They were being forced to live in company housing, buying from the company store...you know the drill."

Chay nodded. She knew all about greedy capitalists.

"Well, we found out that this particular factory was under contract to another company...in the living world."

Chay raised an eyebrow. "Run that by me again?"

Viola chimed in. "The factory was under contract from a conglomerate in the living world, and was using the workers in Imp City as cheap labor."

She looked between the two of them. "You're dead fucking serious, aren't you?"

Lucius nodded. "Do you want to guess who they made a deal with in order to access Hell?"

Chay put her face in her hands. Oh yeah, she knew _exactly_ who was capable of that kind of magic.

Lucius guzzled his iced coffee. "Anyway, this is where our contacts come in. It just so happens that they _also_ have means of going into the living world. We exchanged funds with them, they went to the living world, and took out their entire Board of Directors!"

"And what did that accomplish?"

Lucius and Viola looked at each other. Viola sighed to herself and shook her head, while Lucius sank back into his chair.

"It didn't accomplish jack.", Viola said. "The company folded, the owner had to sell the factory, and all of the Imp workers were let go."

"Yeah...", Lucius said sheepishly. "I didn't really think that one through..."

"No. No you didn't."

Chay rubbed the space between her eyes (where her nose would have been, if she had one). "So is there a point to all of this?"

"Well", answered Lucius. "That's where you come in. Viola?"

Viola pulled out her hellphone and cycled to the speaker phone function. "We were contacted early this morning by those 'indepdent contractors' and their CEO. They happen to have one of the major Overlords as one of their top customers..."

She punched out a phone number on the screen.

"But I think they can tell that part of the story themselves. If you'll wait just one moment..."

She hit the call button. The hellphone buzzed as they waited for the other side of the line up anwer.

Then, they answered.

" _Hello, IMP. Thanks for calling during my fucking lunch break..."_

"Revolutionary greetings from the men and women of the ILF!", said Lucius, probably louder than he really should have.

" _Mhmm."_ , answered the other end. The voice was young, female, and obivously not enthusiastic. The sounds of chewing and swallowing could be heard.

"I'll handle this Lu...", Viola said, sighing. "Hi, Loona. Did we call at a bad time?"

" _Oh, hi Viola."_ , the other line said through a mouthful of food. _"For this job? Every time is a bad time. But I guess you're not calling to hear me complain."_

"Well, I also don't want to take up too much of your time. Is Blitzo there?"

" _He's on a conference call. Hold on a sec..."_

Chay looked over at Viola suspiciously. "Uhhh...so these are the..."

"I know, I know.", Viola whispered while shaking her head. "I promise, they're quite competent at what they do...

Viola was interrupted by the sound of shouting on the other line.

" _MOXXIE! IS BLITZO STILL ON THAT CONFERENCE CALL?!"_

Someone, presumably this Moxxie individual, shouted back something that was too muffled for them to understand.

" _WELL LET HIM KNOW THAT VIOLA JUST CALLED BACK!"_

More muffles. They could also hear another, distinctly female, voice answer in chorus with the other.

" _I KNOW HE JUST HAD HIS WISDOM TEETH PULLED, MILLIE!_ _DID THEY REMOVE HIS TESTICLES TO_ _?!"._

A shuffling sound could be heard, presumably the sound of Loona puting the phone back to her ear.

" _Hold on just a moment. I gotta transfer you over to his office phone. Try to keep it brief."_

The line abruptly cut, and the sound of a sweet-voiced Imp responded in a pre-recorded message.

" _Hello, and thank you for calling the Immediate Murder Professionals! Your murderous intentions are incredibly valuable to us, so please stay on the line as we transfer your call!"_

This was then followed with a few seconds of light jazz, until the line was picked back up yet again.

An effette, nasally voice answered on the other end.

" _Viola, is that you?"_

"Yes, Blizto."

" _Oh, thank fuckin' CHRIST! Please tell me you're on your way!"_

"We're just a block from the building, Blitzo. It should only take us a few minutes."

" _Yeah, that's a few minutes too many! If I have to spend another fucking hour with this horny old bastard I'll..."_

"We also will need to discuss our fee..."

" _I'll talk about the fucking fee! Just hurry up before this gross fuck starts sending me more dick pics!"_

The line clicked shut.

Chay raised an eyebrow. "Conference call, huh?"

"He has an...interesting relationship with some of his clients."

Viola put the phone back into her pocket and hopped out of her chair.

"Anyway, I suggest we go ahead and get this business started, at least while Blitzo still has your potential employer on the line."

Chay stood up and slid her chair underneath the cafe table. "So the 'horny old bastard' is also my client?"

"Correct", answered Lucius as he crammed the rest of his bagel into his mouth. "Fortuantely he isn't as inpatient as Valentino...but he _does_ respect profesionalism."

* * *

The IMP's office was, as Viola said, only about a block away from the cafe. Also, as befitting a nightmarishly overcrowded urban hellscape like Imp City, it was squirreled away in a random section of an office building that was covered in spikes and featured an enormous pair of Imp horns protruding from it's sides. The actual office itself was located towards the top, about three floors down from the roof.

Chay wasn't sure what other businesses shared this space, but more than likely it was a random gaggle of shady payday lenders, 'exotic' massage parlors and random escorts.

After navigating a hazordous staircase and walking pass several decaying office spaces, they finally came across the front door to IMP's Headquarters, which had the company's logo crudely painted onto the door, along with the word 'Headquarters' in smaller scribble. A piece of notebook paper bearing the words 'Knock First!' was taped below it (with a little smiley face drawn in the corner).

Lucius knocked on the front door. "I'll give the introductions, Chay." he whispered.

A sweet, female voice called from within. "Just a sec!"

The door squeaked open into IMP's haphazard headquarters.

Standing in the door way was a female Imp, roughly three and a half feet tall. She wore a black skirt that was looped over her red shoulders, fastened with two large yellow buttons. She wore dark mascara around her eyes (as seemed to be typical of Imp girls), with a small beauty mark just under her right eye. She had a small heart tattooed on her right shoulder, and a large white patch in her bluish-grey hair, which she wore short. Her horns were the traditional white and black, though the white protions were considerably thinner.

Her eyes widened as she gave a huge, split-toothed grin.

"Viola!".

The Imp girl ran up to Viola and gave her a huge hug, and a peck on the cheek.

"Long time, no see girl! What brings you here?"

"Your boss didn't tell you?", Viola answered with a giggle.

"Well, Blitzo did tell us that some previous clients were going to be here today...wait, did he mean _you guys_? Goddammit Loona, ya could have informed us..."

Lucius piped up. "I believe you're referring to your receptionist?"

"Receptionist, dispatch, customer service rep...", the Imp girl counted on her black-nailed fingers, "she plays a bunch of roles and isn't terribly good at any of them...but enough of that! Come on in!"

She swung the door open wide, presenting the inside of IMP's office like it was a grand chateau...even though the reality couldn't be further from it.

"Welcome to the Headquarters of the Immediate Murder Professionals group! As you can see we're still somewhat in the early stages of buildling our brand, but we make do with what we have."

What they 'had' looked like a grease-soaked college dorm pretending to be a corproate office. The door opened up onto a dusty reception room with a wooden table that was piled high with old magazines. The walls were covered in various posters and graffitti, many of which featured images of what appeared to be a circus act, staffed by a family of Imps. In particular, one poster featured what was called 'the Amazing Imp Siblings!', featuring a brother and sister duo (one of which was labeled Blitzo), along with a taller Imp woman behind them. There was also what appeared to be a wedding photograph of two young, smiling Imps (and what looked like a crudey pasted picture of Blitzo added in the background).

Chay looked down at the Imp girl in front of them. The young Imp girl in the photo appeared to be her.

There was only one other individual in this crude reception area: a tall Hellhound girl who was situated behind a desk on the left side of the room, her paws up on the desk and her nose stuck in an issue of 'Hellbound Comix'. Her fur was a mixture of white, black and grey. She sported long, voluminous gray hair on her scalp, a dark gray nose, and had red eyes. She wore a black choker with spikes, a gray crop-top with pentagram-shaped strings holding it up on her chest, fingerless gloves, black shorts with a crescent moon on the side, and a pair of gray toe-less socks (which bared her paws). One of her eyelids featured a piercing, as did one of her ears which featured two (the other ear featured a large chunk missing).

Depending on one's perspective, she looked either like a troubled teenager, a goth wannabe, or an aspiring rock star. Or all of the above.

The Imp girl hopped up and planted herself on the desk.

"Now then, are you gonna introduce me to your friends, Viola?"

Viola cleared her throat. "Yes, of course. Lucius, Chay...this is Millie, one of IMP's primary case workers..."

As she was in the middle of her sentence, one of the doors on the opposite side of the room flung open, revealing another Imp (although this one looked rather grumpy). He was roughly the same height as the one called Millie, although his hair was bright white (similar to Lucius), and was pointy with sideburns. He also had white and black horns, although each section was roughly the same in size. He worse a black longcoat with red buttons, black trousers, a white shirt with a black turtleneck, a large red bow-tie, and fingerless gloves.

He was also sporting what appeared to be a large swollen lump on his jaw, which he was rubbing vigorously while cursing to himself.

"...And _that_ ", Viola said, picking up from where she left off, "is Moxxie, another case worker who works at IMP."

"And also my gorgeous and handsome husband!", Millie said with a smile.

"Fucking Pennywise-wannabe jackass, trying to cheat me out of fucking sick pay..."

Millie hopped off of the desk and jogged over to her husband. She rubbed his shoulders and kissed his cheek.

"Now, Moxxie...don't take it too hard. You know what he doctor said about your blood pressure."

"I'm not the one whose trying to cheat someone out of sick pay after they've had their wisdom teeth pulled!", said the Imp known as Moxxie. He grimaced and immediately began rubbing his swollen jaw again.

"Well that may be true, but you don't want to make a bad impression on our guests, now do you?", said Millie, as she motioned her eyes and hands towards Chay and co.

"What? Guests..."

His eyes slowly widened as he suddenly realized that they were not alone in the room.

"Holy...why didn't anybody tell me? Loona!" He turned to the Hellhound at the desk. "Why didn't you inform me that we have guests in our office?"

"Because I don't care.", she replied curtly.

"Do your job, goddammit!", he shouted in response before grimacing and rubbing his jaw again.

The Hellhound known as Loona signed. "They're only here for Blitzo, Moxxie, remember? That 'conference call' he's taking in his office?"

"You're missing the _point_ , Loona!", he replied. "You're _supposed_ to greet guests when they walk into the room, offer them our various pamphlets on creative homicide, and then you're supposed to refer them to Blitzo! It's not that hard to remember!"

Loona gave him the finger in reply.

Moxxie sighed. "My apologies for our insubordinate receptionist...she's related to the boss. But enough about that, welcome to the Immediate Murder Proff-"

"We've already heard all of that from Millie, Moxxie.", Viola cut him off. "I know you don't want to annoy your boss any further. I believe we have an appointment?"

"Oh...right. So I'm guessing the tall one..." his eyes slowly lifted up to meet Chay's gaze..."is Miss Ong?"

"Present.", she replied.

His hand shot out for a handshake, which Chay gave. "Nice to meet you, Miss Ong! Apologies for the wait. Our CEO is waiting for you in his office, currently speaking with one of our frequent clients. If you'll give me just a moment..."

Moxxie walked over to another door, this one marked " **Blitzo: Awesome CEO** ", and cracked the door open, poking his head inside.

"Sir, she's here."

"Fucking _finally_! Let her in, dammit!", answered someone from within the office, trying to shout and whisper at the same time.

Moxxie turned around. "The boss will see you now, Miss Ong..." He walked over to Lucius and Viola. "You two, I'm afraid, will have to wait out here."

"What? Why?!", Lucius asked.

"All conversation between IMP and our clients is strictly confidential."

Chay shrugged and walked over to the office door. She slowly opened the door and peeked inside.

"Don't worry, guys. I'll tell you everything afterwards."

She walked into the office, shutting the door behind her.

Lucius turned back to Millie and Moxxie. An awkward silence filled the reception area as Loona whistled to herself, completely oblivious to the situation.

He looked at Loona's desk. There was a laptop computer glowing mutely.

"Does that thing have access to Voxtube?", he asked.

"Maybe.", Loona replied.

* * *

The inside of the CEO's office was covered in various...things. Calendars, notebook papers with notes written on them, a diploma from what may or may not have been a legitimate business college, a whiteboard that was marked with what appeared to be the company's performance for that fiscal year (with a note saying 'FIX THIS SHIT!' scribbled down the middle), and more circus posters.

At this point, she had seen enough of Blitzo for one afterlife, and she was only meeting him in person for the first time.

The Imp was seated behind a large, gray desk, staring into a glowing computer screen with an expression that betrayed both disgust and exhaustion. He was a head taller than his Imp employees, with red schelera in his yellow eyes, and featured much longer horns. His clothing was...flamboyant, to say the least. He was wearing a black collard longcoat with red buttons (one of which resembled a skull), a pair of black boots roughly shaped like his hooves, and his hands were covered with a pair of large black gloves, which featured a couple of yellow growths that resembled eyes.

In fact, his image reminded her of old court jesters from the European Middle Ages...and the white blotches on his red skin (one over his right eye), the black lines painted vertically over his eyelids, and the heart/skull formation on his forehead only further emphasized the illusion.

And at that moment, he looked like the most uncomfortable clown in the universe.

" _Yes, Blitzey. Look at me like that. Call me scum..."_

There was a voice coming through Blitzo's computer, a voice that sounded oily and stuffy, with all of the wretched excess of wealth and privelege.

And horny.

 _Very_ horny.

"Yes sir! Of course, sir!", he said with a strained grin. His eyes briefly glanced over to Chay before immediately going back to the computer. He frantically motioned for her to come closer as he attempted to keep up the illusion of paying attention to...whoever was speaking to him.

" _Yes, Blitzey! Act as if I am nothing! Treat me like...is someone there with you?"_

Blitzo's face went blank. Chay could swear she could hear the sound of glass shattering.

"Yes sir.", he replied through a pained smile. "That, um...individual you asked about?"

" _Oh, she's here? Wonderful, Blitzey! Does she fit the description I gave you?"_

The Imp looked at Chay, his eyes going up and down her form.

"A six-foot ghoul that dresses like a mall ninja? Yep, it's her."

_-Ouch. Hurtful._

" _Very good. Could you turn the screen around so I can see her, Blitzey?"_

"Suuure. Just gimme a sec to...um, adjust the audio."

" _Be quick, if you please."_

Blitzo immediately smacked a button on his keyboard and hopped from behind his desk.

"Took your fucking time, Miss Mekong!". The Imp frantically dashed around his office, desprately trying to straighten up or dust anything he considered out of order. "I've been entertaining that horny old pervert for the last three hours!"

"My...apologies?", she replied awkwardly. "My business partners told me it wasn't time sensitive."

He yanked down an old calendar page and hucked it into the wastebin, all the while trying to frantically adjust the collar on a his coat.

"Yeah, sure. For _him_ it isn't time sensitive, but for me? I have to play the ass slave to keep that feathered prick entertained while he waits! And that's only if it's a teleconference!..."

He straightened one of the circus posters, making sure to dust his image on the paper with his thumb.

"...You're just lucky he isn't here in person! Do you have _any_ idea what it's like to try and do a business deal when a dick is in your mouth?!"

Chay raised an eyebrow. She slid down her scarf, revealing her skeletal mouth (and lack of lips).

Blitzo stared at her blankly. "...Well, okay then, I guess you wouldn't. But my point _still_ stands, dammit!"

He stumbled frantically to back behind his desk. He took a deep breath and folded his hands together in a business-like manner.

"OK...You ready for this?"

"Just one question", Chay asked calmly. "The person I'm fixing to speak with...are they an Overlord?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?.", he winked. He smacked another key on his computer, bringing the audio back on.

"Ok, sir. We're all ready for you. I'm fixing to turn the screen around."

" _Very good, Blitzey. Don't go anywhere, now."_ , replied the computer screen with a distinctly lacivious manner.

"Riiiight...", Blitzo replied through a fake grin. "Turning the screen in 3, 2, 1..."

The Imp reached up and slowly tuned the screen around, it's glow illuminating the room like a nautical lighthouse.

Chay betrayed no emotion when she finally got a look at her client. But inside, she was cringing with the fury of a million suns.

_-Goddammit, it ain't an Overlord. It's worse..._

* * *

Meanwhile, in the reception era, Loona was busily clicking through various pop-up ads before getting to Hell's top video sharing site (that wasn't exclusively pornographic in nature).

"Your boss hasn't invested in adblocker yet, has he?", asked Viola.

"He doesn't believe in it.", commented Moxxie ruthfully. "Something about free enterprise or some such nonsense. I've warned him already about identity theft, but he takes the idea as a compliment."

Millie giggled to herself. "He views it as publicity for the company."

"...aaaand here we are.", Loona announced with one final click.

The homepage for Voxtube finally appeared on the screen, with it's logo (the word 'Voxtube' in white on a red background, with the V forming a pair of horns) in the upper corner. Arrayed on the screen were a variety of videos of numerous kinds. Educational videos on Hell's history shared space with cannibal cooking videos (including the popular 'It's Dahm Good' channel), the webcast from 666 News, various gaming channels dedicated to Let's Plays (usually involving top and bottom-heavy Sinners with webcams), and, of course...

"...Freakin' Pewdiepie?", Viola said.

"Even in Hell...", Loona responded, shrugging her shoulders. "You wanna see what I've been watching?"

"You're not supposed to be using social media during work hours.", Moxxie warned.

"Suck my clit, Moxxie." She clicked through a few more links before making her way to what appeared to be a music channel. The profile image of the channel featured a Hellhound (or a canine-demon Sinner) with blue fur, a wide-brimmed black hat , a black bowtie around his neck, and a black jacket. No shirt could be seen. The profile name read 'Leeroy Scratch'. Over his shoulder he appeared to be carrying a large metal slat that was roughly six feet long, with fading red paint that chipped towards the edges. Two long, metal strings were fastened lenght-wise across it, strung around two pairs of knobs that were bolted to each end, like guitar strings.

"What's that thing he's holding on his shoulder?", Millie asked.

"Please don't encourage her, Millie...", Moxxie replied, smacking his hand to his forehead.

"Oh hush, dear. What's that thing he's holding on his shoulder, Loona?"

"That's his instrument.", the hellhound replied. "He's a blues musician".

Lucius looked closer at the image. "That looks like a ski. Is that a ski?"

"I don't know, now shut the fuck up and listen.", Loona barked as she clicked the play button on one of the videos in the channel. It featured Scratch himself, sitting on a worn-out footstool with a blue pair of slacks (so at least he _was_ wearing pants), with his instrument laying flat ontop of his lap. The ring finger on his left hand was covered with what appeared to be a bottle neck that had been broken off of a random beer bottle, which he had placed on the left end of the instrument. His right hand featured nothing but his claws, which he set upon the right side.

He plucked one of the strings, and slid the bottle neck up the length of the instrument. He plucked the other string (which had a deeper, bass-like tone), and slid the bottle neck back down.

The canine-demon grinned at the camera, revealing several pointy teeth.

"Howdy, folks." he spoke with a deep, rumbling voice. "I'm Leeroy, and I'm feelin' mighty blue."

* * *

" _Salutations, Mrs. Ong. I thank you for coming on such short notice. I don't suppose I need to introduce myself?"_

Chay sighed inwardly, trying her best not to show emotion. "No, Prince Stolas. That won't be necessary."

The enormous Owl-demon in the screen smirked. " _Just 'Stolas' is fine, dear."_

Even through the screen, Stolas gave off an aura of luxury and intimidation. The Owl Prince was tall, as was common with his particular species of demon, but even by their standards he towered over other Owl-demons. His visage was the perfect example of mystique, with it's small beak, white downy feathers on his heart-shaped face, and his red Harlequin eyes (all four of them), all of which were wreathed by the gray feathers from his neck. He wore a black tophat on top of his head, around which was wrapped a yellow decal that resembled a crown. He was clothed in a red tunic with gold buttons, underneath which was a burgundy surcoat with a white furred collar and puffy striped sleeves.

He was seated on a large gray throne, cushioned with pink pillows, and surrounded by what appeared to be a grand library. He held a golden cup filled with what she assumed was wine, which he delicately sipped with all the regal air he attempted to portray.

And even though she was nowhere near him, she could swear that she could smell perfume and wine. It was intoxicating, almost. Very similar to what had happened when she encountered Valentino.

" _You needn't be afraid, dear. I promise I won't bite."_

Valentino had said the same. She wasn't stupid.

"May I ask what this is about, Stolas?", Chay asked.

" _No need to hurry, Mrs. Ong. First I wish to give you my thanks. I am to believe that it was you who located the pilfered_ _grimoire_ _which I had gifted to my fellow Overlord."_

"The teleporting one?"

" _Yes, the one with the adhesive seals that wretched traitor Profera had stolen. Valentino informed me of the theft shortly after you had returned to the city. I hear his reward to you payed for your new dwellings. Tell me, were you able to locate the book itself?"_

Chay sighed to herself.

"No sir, I couldn't. If it still exists, that is."

" _Hmmm...unfortunate."_ The Owl-demon sipped at his wine. _"Such a shame. But no matter, I've plenty more to replace it. You did good work regardless, in spire of Valentino's misgivings."_

Chay nodded. "Thank you, sir."

The Owl-demon set down his cup somewhere off-camera. _"Now then, I suppose you wish to know why I have summoned you."_

"I assume it's a job offer.", Chay replied.

" _Indeed, Miss Ong. Your deduction skills are as sharp as I was told. I am also guessing that you are wondering why I am speaking to you thusly, rather than in person?"_

It actually hadn't crossed her mind (it certainly wasn't the weirdest meet-up she'd had to endure), but now that he mentioned it...

"I am somewhat curious, I'll admit.", she replied.

" _The answer is simple, my dear: stealth and secrecy. The machinations of Hell's hierarchy are omnipresent and vicious. Little that we do goes unheard of by the rest, and Hell's society is nothing if not a gaggle of gossipy bitches."_

_The Owl-demon chuckled to himself. "Did you hear that, Blitzey? I made a funny."_

"Yes, sir. Quite hilarious.", Blitzo replied while shaking his head and mimicking a jerk-off motion.

Stolas cleared his throat. "After all, this is how I heard about your work with Valentino...and other things. For example..."

At that moment, Stola lifted a feathery eyebrow, showing a stretch of emotion that was slightly off-putting.

" _...I know about your dealings with His Highness's daughter."_

* * *

Meanwhile, in the lobby...

" _-oooooteeeeeeeEEEELLLLLL!"_

The video playing on the monitor (labeled "clowny cunt in tux sings 4 bux") went black. Loona had a big grin on her face, while the other Imps were different shades of astounded, confused...and slightly annoyed.

"You know...they'd told me that she'd given the whole song n' dance when she pitched the Hotel...", Viola commented.

"...and they were literally talking about a musical number. Christ on a cracker.", Lucius finished while shaking his head in amazement.

"I always liked her. She's spunky!", Millie piped in.

"Yeah, she's awesome.", Loona replied.

Moxxie raised an eyebrow. "Was that...a compliment you just gave?"

"I kind of want to see more Leeroy...", Viola commented.

Lucius was indignant. "For fuck's sake, how come we don't have a Voxtube channel? This shit would be amazing for propaganda purposes! Just imagine all of the new supporters we'd have for the cause!"

"You have to enter in your personal info for an account, Lucius.", Viola replied. "And an address. You know, the one we're trying to keep secret?"

"Well then we'll just enter a fake one!"

"You know who owns Voxtube, right?"

The room went somewhat quiet as Lucius's eyes slowly went wide. Much as was the case with the sex industry and Valentino, all communications and social media were specifically owned by...

"...Oh fuck, that's right. Vox.".

"Exactly. We already got on the badside of one Overlord. We do NOT want to piss of another."

"Wait...what Overlord did you guys piss off?", Millie asked innocently.

"I'm afraid that's classified info.", Lucius replied formally. "It's data that's very mission critical and-"

"It was Valentino.", Viola replied. "We got a sweet payday out of it, though."

Lucius's jaw nearly unhinged as it dropped in shock. "Viola, what the fuck?!"

"Oh shut it, Lu. Overlord business never keeps secret for long. In any case, one is enough. We don't need another."

"Especially when it's his boyfriend you're pissing off.", Loona replied casually. She sipped at an ice coffee she had placed on her desk, only to later realize that the Imps were all staring at her.

"What? You didn't know Val and Vox were fucking?", she asked.

No answer. Just the sound of a light breeze, in spite of all the windows being closed.

* * *

" _...And that is when he misplaced my favorite hat. But we all love him anyway."_

Back in Blitzo's office, Stolas was finishing up a rather long and convoluted story. One that had begun with the mention of Princess Charlotte Magne and her Hotel, before quickly careening off track into the story of last year's Royal Soiree in which someone had managed to snatch Stola's top hat from his head (and the hours long saga of tracking it down). Ultimately, one of the Princess's manservants had discovered that the King himself had simply mistaken the hat for one of his own.

Chay couldn't care less. Blitzo simply mouthed 'humor him' while rolling his eyes.

" _Have you met the princess, Mrs. Ong?"_

Chay snapped out of her bordom-induced stupor.

"N-no sir. I haven't had the pleasure."

" _You haven't? Such a shame, dear. She's quite marvelous, really. My daughter and her get along quite famously. But we're getting off track, so let's get to business then."_

Stolas cleared his throat. _"Blitzey, dear. Do you have the materials I sent you?"_

The Imp opened a drawer in his desk, pulling out a manilla folder labeled 'annoying bird dick'. It was filled with what appeared to be photocopied correspondence and photographs.

"In my hand as we speak, Stolas.", he replied.

" _Very good. Now then... Mrs. Ong, I 've taken up enough of your time so I shall attempt to stick with the essentials."_

The Owl-demon reached somewhere below the screen and produced an elaborately decorated book, encased in expensive leather and what appeared to be human teeth.

" _As I have previously explained to you, being a part of Hell's hierarchy is_ _a life_ _rife with suspicion and intrigue. We all fancy ourselves as temporarily embarassed emperors, and that leads to quite a bit of brown-nosing and back-stabbing. That means we are always suspicious of...hangers-on, shall we say."_

One of Stolas's hands began to glow red as it slowly passed over the opened book. The pages themselves began to levitate against the binding.

" _Earlier this week I was informed by one of my associates of a theft that occured within my home. It was not one of my grimoires, thankfully..."_

While the Overlord was speaking, Blitzo was sorting through all of the materials in the folder, mumbling to himself about 'drama queens' or some such. Chay paid no mind.

" _Do you have the photographs, Blitzey?"_

"I'm handing them to her now, Stolas.", he commented as he haphazardly tossed a handful of polaroids at Chay, who in turn managed to _just_ catch them before they tumbled to the floor. There were four of them, all quite clear and not blurry in the slightest ( _"So thank karma for mild mercies"_ , she though to herself). The first photograph was of a Sinner, a Snake-demon whose scales were black and yellow in color, with a pattern that was rather patchy, much like the Mangrove Snakes she lived in fear of as a child but with broader 'patches'. He was wearing what appeared to be a gray wool shirt, with gold buttons that featured images of peaches and what appeared to be cotton plants. The shirt featured a pair of shoulder pads with yellow frills, and the collar had two five-pointed stars fastened to it. On his head, he worse a gray wide-brimmed hat, with the brims folding inwards. The Sinner attempted to give himself a dignified air with a pose that to him must have seemed regal, but in practice looked downright ridiculous. The sabre that he wore at his side only made him look sillier.

" _Do you seem the photograph of the gentleman who fancies himself a Colonel, Miss Ong?",_ Stolas asked from the screen.

"Yes, sir.", she replied.

 _-Great, yet another dipshit playing soldier._ _Hell is just full of these assholes._

" _That is a recent addition to my social circle, Mrs. Ong. His name is Estus. He claims that in life he was an important colonel in the Confederate Army during the American Civil War. He was also a fairly properous Plantation owner..."_

"Which explains why he's down here".

" _Oh my, yes. There are an awful lot of his kind down here with us, aren't there?"_

"Well, my recent experiences would confirm that theory."

" _You needn't be suspicous this time, Mrs. Ong. Unlike Profera, his claims of battlefield glory are largely true. But like many of his fellow Confederate compatriots down here with us, he is a man of pride. My wife rather adores him for some reason, while I on the other hand find him to be rather...I believe the appropriate term would be 'nouveau riche'?"_

Chay rasied an eyebrow. "He's recently come into a lot of money?"

" _Mmm, no dear. He's always been rather wealthy. What I mean is that he acts rather...tacky and obnoxious. Have you ever seen 'Gone With the Wind', Mrs. Ong?"_

"I have, actually. "

" _Well, he acts like the platonic ideal of that film. But in the worst way possible. Am I making any sense, dear?"_

Chay sighed to herself. "Unfortunately, yes. He isn't the first individual of his kind I've run into." And it was true. For some reason Hell was infested with people who imagined themselves are far greater than they were in life, and almost all of them tried to model themselves after the idealized version of the Confederacy from that particular film.

" _In any case, I want you to keep this gentleman in mind as we go along. Now, another one of the photographs is of an object in a museum case. Do you see it?"_

Chay thumbed through the polaroids until she found the picture in question. The photograph was of an ivory mannequin neck, encased within a cube of glass and standing on a bronze pedestal. Around that neck was a necklace made of gold, attached to which was a medallion in the shape of some kind of flower, made of rubies and sapphires, with the sapphires making a Spanish Cross over the rest of the medallion's ruby field.

" _Rather tacky, but it has it's charm, I suppose.",_ Stolas stated.

"This medallion...what is it, exactly?"

"The flower? It's a Confederate Rose, my dear. They aren't actually proper Roses, of course, but that is what they are called. This was a gift to my wife, you see, from our dear Colonel...at least, before he found out what it was made of."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, the gems are of course mined from Africa, but that is not the point. The point is what the rest of it is made of...and why I've pinned Coloel Estes as a suspect."

Chay eyed the photograph closer. "The only other material in this piece appears to be the gold."

" _Oh, it's not just any gold, Mrs. Ong. It's **Confederate** Gold."_

* * *

**(Updated July 10th, 2020)**

It would be another hour before Chay finally emerged from Blitzo's office. By that point, Loona and the Imps had exhausted the entirety of Leeroy's Scratch's posted videos, and had resorted to shuffling through the various livecasts on the site.

They were watching that afternoon's installment of 666 News as the door creaked open, with Katie Killjoy's shrill voice emitting from the speaker.

" _..._ _And that's the latest tip from this year's ongoing 'Extermination Watch'! Remember folks, we've only got a few more months before the Hordes of Heaven descend upon us once again, so get your preparations for survival and after-slaughter cleanup in order while you still can!"_

The voice of her co-anchor, Tom Trench, popped in with almost pitch-perfect timing.

" _Or at the very least, leave us an incredibly sexy fleshpile for us to mop up after!"_

Katie's giggle tittered from the speaker. _"You are the rotten fungus on my taint, Tom!"_

Chay groaned to herself. "This is why I don't own a cable box...", she said to herself.

If there was one thing she hated about returning to civilization after going feral in Hell's jungle, it was THIS bitch. Katie Killjoy was an ivory-white Mantis-demon with bleach-blonde hair, a glowy pristine grin, and large red eyes with the barest hint of yellow pupils. She usually wore the bougiest of bourgeois power dresses, often of the bright red or blue variety and with ample space to show off her cleavage, and wore a pearl necklace and a pair of pearl earrings to complete the effect. Every word, every effect, every single gesture just _bled_ condescension.

The way she constantly abused her co-host, a humanoid gas-mask with blond hair and a cheap three-piece suit named Tom Trench, made her dislike Killjoy even more.

Chay was begrudgingly watching as Killjoy turned back to the camera.

" _Coming up next, we have some exciting news for fans of criminally-unsafe amusement parks! The ever-popular Loo Loo Land is_ _welcoming a brand new attraction this week: an entire historically pseudo-accurate Wild West Town! Will **you** witness a carnie snorting meth while wearing a cowboy hat? All that and more, after the break!"_

"Blech!". Lucius stuck his tongue out in disgust. "Such a trashy display of bourgeois decadence! They don't even have good cotton candy!"

"Been there before, huh?", Moxxie asked.

"More than once.", Lucius replied. "Twice as a kid, then once as an adult. We could never afford to go to Lu Lu World so we settled for the cheaper knock-off. I found a wedding ring in my corn dog..." the Imp shivered in disgust.

"Don't forget the creeply mascots.", Viola replied.

"Ugh, fucking tell us about it!", Loona sneered. "We went there a few months back with Stolas and his daughter, and there was this creepy dude in an apple costume driving an Ice Cream truck. I'm pretty sure I spotted him trying to sneak a peek while I was in the bathroom."

Moxxie sighed. "It wasn't pleasant...but at least it's behind us."

Lucius hugged his shoulders. "Right there with you, brother...Wait, did you say you went with Sto-"

At that very moment, Blitzo barged into the room, his eyes sparkling and giddy.

"Moxxie! Millie! Loona! Grab your shit and get in the van! We're going to Loo Loo Land!"

* * *

Moxxie sighed, again. He sighed with the weight of an Imp who had sighed so many times before, and knew he would continue to sigh for the rest of his life.

"We can't go, sir. They're closed for renovations."

" _Fuck_ renovations, Moxxie! They're making a Wild West town and I want to see some fucking horses!"

Moxxie shook his head. "Sir, I don't think-"

" _ **HORSES!"**_ , Blitzo squeed. "Daisy is getting his shots and daddy misses him so _FUCKING HORSES!_ "

The harlequin Imp cleared his throat and fixed his collar, trying to seem professional. "Besides, we're actually going there for work so it counts as a business expense."

"Whose Daisy?", Millie asked.

Moxxie turned to her with disbelief. "Really? It's...it's his horse, Millie. His horse. The one he claims to own? He changes its name every other day? You haven't caught on yet?"

Millie gave a split-toothed grin. "I like to keep a little mystery in my life."

Moxxie wanted to say something else...but honestly, he couldn't stay mad at her with that smile.

"But even if it _is_ for work, we still can't go until they're open. Also...how exactly is this for work?"

"Because Mr. Birdbrain just hired Miss Tall-Dark-And Gruesome over there to track down some bullshit, and he specifically asked us to come along as back-up!"

Viola rubbed the bridge between her eyes. "OK, someone better start explaining shit because I'm getting really confused. Whose the client? Why are we being hired to go to a theme park?"

Lucius curled himself up into a ball. "Please tell me it isn't another Overlord."

Chay finally spoke up. "I've been hired to track down a piece of stolen property. The client specifically requested that the employees of the Immediate Murder Professionals assist me in this endeavor."

"And the park comes into this...how?", Moxxie asked.

The Hungry Ghost pointed at the computer. "That 'Wild West Town' that Katie Killjoy was talking about?"

Moxxie raised an tufty white eyebrow. "Yeah?"

Chay took out the photographs from her coat and slapped them on the desk.

"My client already has a handpicked suspect...and he just so happens to be the Sinner who helped build it."

Blitzo stepped in front of Chay. "That's right! So everyone better remember to act professional and not fuck this up. We're gonna have the opportunity to meet some really rich fuck-faces, and that means future customers!"

That got Moxxie's attention. "Wow...you're actually making mature business decisions. That is surprising...and slightly worrying...You sure you're OK, sir?"

"I miss Daisy...", Blitzo muttered.

Viola thumbed through the photos on the desk. She picked up the polaroid of the necklace. "Is this the thing we're looking for?"

Lucius peered over her shoulder. "A necklace? With what appears to be...some kind of jewel-encrusted flower hanging off of it?"

Viola shook her head. "This is the tackiest fucking thing I've ever seen. Who wants this? _Why_ do they want it?"

"Why _would_ you want it?", Lucius concurred, sticking his tongue out.

"Honestly...", Chay asnwered, "I'm not sure why. Stolas told me it was a gift for his wife."

Loona snorted. "I'm surprised he even pays attention to her in the first place."

Lucius said nothing. He appeared to have been frozen in place. His red skin seemed to have paled into a lighter shade of pink.

Viola grunted. "Ugh, so we _are_ working with another Overlord. Goddammit..."

"Technically, he's not an overlord...", Moxxie remarked.

Chay took the polaroids and stuffed them into her pocket. "Whatever the case, we're gonna need to do a little bit of planning. This place won't be open until tomorrow, so that gives us all the evening to hash out the details. I've got a few resources to pull from. Do you guys need anything from me?"

Moxxie crosses his arms. "Well, we're already fairly well stocked as far as supplies are concerned..."

"Oh, that reminds me!", Blitzo said. "It was Loona's turn to go grocery shopping this week. Loona, sweety, did you take care of that?"

"No.", she replied.

Moxxie slapped his forehead. "Oh for fuck's sake..."

Millie hugged Moxxie to her cheek. "Aw, don't worry sweety! I still have my knives!"

Moxxie grinned sheepishly. "Yeah, honey...but I still need ammo..."

For once, Chay actually had a reason to chuckle for herself.

"Oh, we can handle the firearms portion of things."

"Yep", Viola said as she hopped back down to the floor. "the ILF armory is fully stocked and ready for use, right Lu?...Lu?"

Again, nothing but silence and a wide-eyed look of terror from a very pale Lucius.

Chay raised an eyebrow. "What's the matter with him?"

Viola poked at Lucius.

"I don't know. Was it something I said?"

"...I let slip that we're working with another Overlord, didn't I?", Chay asked.

"Again, he's not actually an Overlord...", Moxie remarked (again).

Blitzo grabbed Lucius's cheek. "Damn, he's gone straight catatonic." He slapped Lucius across the face.

That seemed to have done the trick, as Lucius finally returned to consciousness.

And then immediately proceeded to let out something between a shriek of terror and the work 'fuck'.

* * *

It was around 8 o'clock at night before Chay made her way back to her apartment. The pentagram moon was just beginning to poke out from under the cover of darkness and Imp City has settled into it's slightly less noisome evening. The streetlights were clicking on down the street, and the neon signs for the nearby stores were glowing at full blast.

On the elevator ride up, her phone vibrated in her pocket. She was getting a text.

She pulled it out and looked at the screen, her tired eyes squinting against the hellphone's harsh glow.

|: BONES, ITS ANGEL.

CALL ME SOON. -AD :|

_-When did Angel Dust get my number?_

She thumbed the 'call back' button on the screen. It barely rang on the other end before she got an answer.

" _Hey, Miss Bones!_ _How's tricks?"_

Yep, it was definitely Angel Dust on the other end. She hadn't spoken with the Spider-demon since she had left Pentagram City, and she had to admit that getting the chance to talk with him again made her feel a little...giddy? Was that the right word? She wasn't entirely sure.

"Um, Angel...how did you get my number?"

" _How do ya think, babe? You got three guesses, and the last two don't count."_

...Of course. He probably got it from Shakie. Come to think of it, she was surprised he hadn't called her a lot earlier.

"Is she OK, Angel?"

" _Shakie? Yeah, she's fine...but that's kind of what I wanted to talk to ya about."_

 _-_ _Oh no, was this about our earlier conversation?_

" _Look, Shakie's fine and everything but...well...can I ask ya something, Bones? Like honestly?"_

OK, now she was starting to get a little worried.

"...Angel, you're scaring me right now."

" _Aw shit, I didn't mean to do that. But...well, you know how Overlord news tends to travel kinda fast around here?"_

"Well yeah, Vaggie told me as much."

" _Yeah, I know but..."_

This was actually getting quite uncomfortable. Through the phone, Angel actually started to sound genuinely concerned. Almost as if...

"... _Bones, you're not doing anything you don't want to, are ya?"_

"What the fu-" _**ding**_

The elevator's bell sounded as the doors slid open. The hallway to her apartment was largely bare, with only a random janitor's bucket and mop lying against a nearby wall (sans janitor). She slowly walked down the hardwood passageway to her home.

" _Look, I have some experience with crap like that, what with all the abuse I got from Val...I kinda wish Cherri was here to because she's also gone through similar shit.._

"Whoa, let me stop you right there, Angel..."

She stopped in front of her door, and fumbled around in her pockets for his key.

"First of all, who told you I was doing a job for another Overlord?"

" _Bones, just answer me..."_

Chay sighed. "I know where this is going, Angel, and I promise you that isn't what's happening here. This is purely business, and nothing else."

" _Business as in...?"_

"Business in that I'm doing another retrieval case. I'm not even leaving Imp City. Now answer me, who told you I was doing another Overlord case?"

" _Eeeh, I heard it from Shakie. She'd been listening in on Charlie and Al when your name came up and...well, she's worried about ya, Bones."_

_-Shit. It would have to be related to earlier this afternoon..._

Chay groaned inwardly. She didn't want to admit it, but she had been dreading talking with Shakie again after the earlier phone call. She liked Shakie a lot, but ever since the visit at the Hotel, there had been these strange yearnings stirring in her stomach. This odd combination of joy and longing that she couldn't quite comprehend, like she was being drawn back to that place for some reason.

But then again...if the Princess was where Shakie had overheard it, maybe she could perhaps solve this if she spoke with her. I mean, that _is_ what Shakie had been wanting her to do for a while, right? To speak with Princess Charlotte?

_-Wait, what the fuck is going on? Why am I...?_

"Angel...can I speak with her?"

" ' _Fraid not, she 's busy helping Nifty clean up the basement. Ya wouldn't believe how many fuckin' accordions are down there..."_

"No, I don't mean Shakie, I mean...Angel, can I speak to the Princess?"

" _...Whoa, Bones. Ya sure you're alright?"_

Chay rubbed her forehead and came back with a handful of sweat. Why was she so nervous all of a sudden?

"Yes, Angel. I'm fine. But Shakie has been wanting me to speak with Her for a while now and...well, I'm hoping maybe if she hears it from Her then maybe she won't worry so badly."

" _Gotcha. Well, unfortunately that's also a no go right now. She's been busy with with the renovations to this place and she kinda wore herself out arguing with the contractors. Vaggie decided to take her to bed and...well, I dont wanna have to face an angry Vaggie, if ya know what I sayin'."_

"...I see."

Chay sighed inwardly. She was almost _relieved_ , for some reason.

"...Alright, fine. I understand."

" _No problems. But hey, if ya got a message ya want to get to Shakie, I can tell her for ya."_

Chay finally found her key and opened the door to her apartment. She stepped inside and flicked on the lightswitch, illuminating the room.

"Well, first of all...I'm not working for Valentino again, just to make that clear."

" _Oh thank fuck!"._

Chay heard Angel give a big sign of relief through the speaker.

" _Well, that's a load offa my chest, then..."_

"I am still working for a big-wig, though. That much is true."

" _Really? Who? It can't be Vox or Velvet because I sure as hell woulda heard it by now..."_

"No, I'm doing a job for Stolas."

She walked over to the kitchen area, opening up her refridgerator and taking out a couple of grapefruits and a carton of soy milk.

" _Holy fuckin' shit, you're working for THAT guy? Ya shoulda told me sooner! Charlie's really good pals with his kid..."_

"He told me as much."

" _No, seriously. Those two go way back. I think she went to school with her or some shit."_

Chay dumped the grapefruits and soy milk into a blender, adding a couple dashes of vodka before hitting the blend button.

"So this is before she met Vaggie?"

" _Oh yeah, way before that. Way before she met her ex-boyfriend, I think."_

"Interesting..."

" _If you're inta politics, I guess. So what's birdbrain got ya doin anyway?"_

Chay put the phone on the kitchen counter and hit the speaker phone function. She opened up the freezer and grabbed a handful of ice, dumping them into a glass.

"I can't give details like that over the phone, Angel."

" _Aw c'mon, I promise I won't tell."_

Even though she was nowhere near him, she could see him making that mischievous grin of his in her mind's eye.

"Yes, you will. Not on purpose, maybe, but you will. And then it'll get to the Princess, and then the rest of Hell's uppercrust will hear it and the whole job will be fucked."

" _Can ya at least gimme a hint?"_

"Angel..."

" _Pleeeeease?"_

"Angie..."

" _Pretty please with sugah on top?"_

"Look..."

" _Cuz ya know, you're my sugah?"_

_-Oh fuck it. He's way too good at this shit._

Chay sighed into the phone. "It's finding some stolen property."

" _That's it? Really?"_

"Yeah, that's it."

" _So why the secrecy, then?"_

"Because the suspects include a few higher-ups in the Hierachy, and like Vaggie said..."

" _...News travels fast. Gotcha."_

"Exactly. Plus I'm collaborating with another firm on this, so I'm already dealing with some other shit."

" _Double gotcha."_

She poured the contents of the blender into her glass, making sure not to let it foam over the top.

"Anyway, I got some research to do in my office, so I'm gonna have to let you go..."

" _Yeah, sure sure...You want me to tell Charlie you called?"_

That tension in Chay's stomach suddenly peaked out from behind its metaphorical rock.

"...Yeah, I guess. But I'm gonna be real busy the next couple of days so..."

_-Good...that'll give me some distance between then and now._

" _No prob. She'll just text ya!"_

_-Shit._

She took a huge swig of her smoothie, wiping away stray liquid from her mouth.

"Yeah, that'll work. I'll talk to ya later, Angel."

" _Don't be a stranger!"._

The line clicked.

Chay put her glass on her nightstand and collapsed onto the bed.

What the fuck was she doing? Why was she being so antsy over Shakie? For fuck's sake, she was getting all nervous over talking with _Angel Dust_ , of all people!

Was it the Hotel? Was it the Princess herself? Things had been weird ever since she left Pentagram City. Yeah, she'd made friends with Shakie, and the others she had met at the Hotel were nice.

But the very idea of talking with Princess Charlotte scared the crap out of her. Even though everyone had told her that she was the exact opposite of whatever one would imagine a royal in Hell would be.

Maybe it was what Shakie had said earlier.

" _If you're overcome by the hunger again, and you've got no place to go...what are you going to do?"_

Something was drawing her back to that place, and honestly she had no idea if she would be able to fight it or not.

**(End, Chapter 1)**


	2. Cowboys are Assholes.

**CHAPTER 2**

“So where the fuck are we supposed to meet Lucy?”, Blitzo asked.

Chay was riding with the IMP crew towards the Imp City harbor, hunched in the back of a dark black van with Blitzo at the wheel (which, according to Moxxie, he had insisted upon in spite of his protests), Both he and Millie were seated across from her on a metal bench that had been welded to the van’s interior. A red tool box, filled with who-knows-what, was bouncing around haphazardly underneath them. Loona had called shotgun for the passenger seat.

“The client’s name is Lucius, sir”, Moxxie replied.

“Yeah, that. Where are we supposed to meet Lucky?”, Blitzo asked again.

“It’s outside of the ILF armory.”, Chay replied, still picking stray pieces of that afternoon’s rice from her teeth. “Just take a left after you get to the harbor gate. I’ll tell you when to stop.”

Millie was busy polishing one of her knives, specifically one of the many she had strapped underneath her dress. Moxxie was fidgeting and still rubbing his sore jaw.

“You sure your associates will have the proper ammunition?”, Moxxie asked.

“All that and whatever else you need. They’re well stocked…..which reminds me, do you guys need anything else while we’re there? Because we’re not making a return trip.”

“Oh!”, Millie piped up. “Do you guys have ninja stars? I’m fresh out.”

“Hira or Bo?”

The Imp girl’s eyes widened with wonder. “You have both?”

“And more. You’ll have to ask Lu, though. That stuff can get expensive when Heavenly Steel is involved.”

Millie grinned so wide that the split in her teeth seemed to double in size.

“What are you carrying, anyway?”, Chay asked.

“It’s a tactical shotgun. Nothing fancy.”, Moxxie said.

“He also has a sniper rifle that he disassembles between use.”, Millie remarked.

“Efficient.”, Chay said with a nod.

“Keep it down, back there!”, Loona yelled. “I’m trying to hear Leeroy!”

“You already watched his videos in the office! Yesterday! During _work hours!_ ”, Moxxie shouted back.

“The acoustics of the van are different!”, she answered

“Sound doesn’t work tha-owwwwww….”

Moxxie gripped his sore jaw.

“Sweetie, calm down or you’re going to re-open the stitches”, Millie said as she comforted her husband.

“I am, darling. I am.”

“Turning left!”, Blitzo shouted from the front seat as he yanked the wheel. Moxxie face-planted onto on the van’s floor with a loud yelp.

* * *

The van skidded to a halt outside of a shabby market front, leaving the stench of burning rubber in the air. Lucius and Viola met them in front of grated and boarded windows, showing outdated and expired merchandise.

The rear doors of the van popped open, with Moxxie and Millie hopping onto the sidewalk. Chay followed them, with Blitzo towing up the back...even though there was a perfectly serviceable driver-side door he could have used.

Loona, for her part, didn’t move an inch. Her eyes was still glued to her phone.

Blitzo poked his head into the passenger window. “Loony, honey...don’t you wanna come in with us?”

“No.”, she replied tartly.

“You sure? Not even for a biscuit?”

“Fuck off.”

“If you say so, honey…ow!”, he barked as his horns smacked against the window frame.

“Hurry the fuck up! We can’t be waiting out here!”, Lucius shouted.

“Hold your tits, I’m coming!”, Blitzo shouted.

Viola shook her head as the Imp trotted over to the group. She poked her head around the corner into an alley way, her eyes shifting back and forth for some possible spy or witness.

Lucius, on the other hand, had the sour expression of someone sucking on a lime.

The clownish Imp skidded to a halt in front of them. His eyes slowly traveled up to the ruined husk of a storefront behind them.

“Well this is totally not sketchy or suspect.”, Blitzo remarked. “You got the mangy cat to complete the whole ‘dilapidated bodega’ effect?”

Chay rolled her eyes. “This isn’t our hideout.”

Viola motioned the group over to the alleyway. “Over here. We need to be out of sight of any potential spies.”

Blitzo sighed as he followed them into the alley. “Whatever, just go ahead and get the cloak and dagger shit out of the wMMMMFF!”

The Imp’s voice was muffled by the black bag that had been forcibly shoved over his head.

“Is….that really necessary?”, Moxxie asked with a quizzical look.

Viola pulled another two bags from her pocket. “Look, we may have worked in the past, but we still can’t show you where our hideout is located. We went through a lot of trouble to get this place and we sure as fuck can’t risk anyone scoping it out.”

“Oh! That’s what you were doing? I just assumed you were trying to get him to shut up.”

“I can still fucking hear you, Moxxi!”, Blitzo shouted, his voice muffled by the bag’s fabric.

Chay took one of the bags from Viola. “The sooner we get you blinded, the sooner we can take them off.”

Viola stepped forward and slipped a bag over Moxxie’s head. Chay stepped up and did the same for Millie.

“We promise it’s just temporary. We’ll take them off as soon as it’s safe to do so.”

“Oh, it’s fine!”, Millie piped in with a muffled giggle. “We’ve done jobs like this before. We know that secrecy is paramount.”

“Good, now there’s some stairs we’re going to have to descend, so go slow and be careful. It might take us a few minutes to get there. Chay, if you would?”

The Hungry Ghost girl walked over to a nearby stained dumpster, reeking of moldy garbage and buzzing with flies. She gritted her teeth as she grabbed the push-rail and slowly pushed it to the side.

Hidden underneath was a cellar door, made of steel and orange with rust.

Viola wrenched open the door as it gave way with a shriek of rusted hinges. Inside was a darkened stairwell, only barely lit by the glow of the noonday sun.

* * *

When the bags finally came off, the IMP employees gasped with astonishment.

The area they had been led into was an enormous chamber of steel and concrete, with walls plastered with ILF propaganda and banners that stretched all the way to the ceiling, 500 meters in the air. Nearly every space was filled with machinery assembling weapons, printers producing pamphlets and posters, and hundreds of ILF militants divided into training cadres, military drills, and discussion groups centered around Lucius’s Little Red Book. One wall was filled with an enormous bookshelf, featuring volumes upon volumes of revolutionary thought and guerilla war theory by the likes of Marx, Lenin, Mao, Che, Stalin, Gonzalo, and other great revolutionaries throughout history (and some of whom were probably slumming it in Pentagram City). There were also volumes of fiction by the likes of Dumas, B. Traven, and the complete works of Michel Zevaco (Chay’s personal favorite).

And pinned up, way in the back, was the large and unmistakable flag of the Imp Liberation Front: A black field, with a red pentagram wreathed by a pair of Imp horns, with the letters I-L-F dead center.

Viola shouted over the den. “Mumford! Unlock the boom room!”

A pimpled, blond-haired Imp, stationed near the back of the room, rustled through the pockets of his turtleneck before grabbing hold of a key ring.

“The ‘boom room’? Really?”, Moxxie asked Viola.

“Not my idea, Mox. That’s Lu’s fault.” She looked over her shoulder at the sour-faced Imp, still grumbling and frowning to himself.

“….And we’ll just let him stew in his juices for a bit. Follow me, guys.”

Viola led the three IMP agents through the maze of machinery and desks that led to the ILF’s armory, leaving Chay, Blitzo, and Lucius to their own devices.

Chay looked down at her grumbling Imp companion.

“You uh...you doing OK there, Lu?”

Blitzo poked Lucius in the cheek. “Yeah, what’s the matter? You go through a bad break-up or something?”

“….I’m still not speaking to you.”, he mumbled.

Blitzo backed away incredulously. “Me? The fuck did I do?”

“I think he’s speaking to me, Blitzo.”, Chay replied.

“No, I’m not. Not for the foreseeable future.”, said Lucius.

“Alright, out with it Lu. What did I do?”

“You _know_ what you did, Chay.”

Chay through her arms out wide in confusion. “What? I don’t know what I fucking did!”

The Imp whipped around and angrily poked her in the torso. “You took a job from fucking _Stolas_ , a goddamn member of the decadent Goetic Aristocracy, _without_ consulting me first!”

Chay’s eyes narrowed. “Oh no, you don’t get to say that. Not after you had me work for fucking Valentino!”

“That was under duress!”, Lucius spat back.

“Because you stuck your dick in one of his informants!”

Lucius smacked his head in frustration. “OK, fine. I deserve that. But we _already_ have a history with Stolas, dammit! You know our policy!”

That bit of info hit Chay like a sledgehammer. Her eyes widened with surprise.

She shook her head. “Lu. I’m going to ask this as nicely as I can: When did we work for Stolas?”

“Chay…”

She leaned in close. Close enough that Lu could smell that day’s breakfast on her breath.

“Out with it. Now.”

Lucius sighed. “Do you remember the post-Extermination Soiree from two years ago?”

“You mean the one where they found one of the guests with his throat slit ope-”

The Hungry Ghost girl stopped mid-sentence as the realization hit her.

Blitzo squawked out a laugh. “Holy fuck, that was YOU guys?! I’d thought his cleaning lady had bagged most of it...”

Chay shook her head (again, for she would do it several more times that day). “Lu, you didn’t…”

The Imp rubbed the bridge of his nose. He could feel a migraine coming on.

“I owed him a favor. So I sent _her_ out to take care of it.”

A chill swept up Chay’s spine. The ‘her’ in question was one of the ILF’s most infamous operatives...and she _really_ got under Chay’s skin.

“Yikes. That bad?”

Lucius fiddled with his hat, trying to slick his hair back over his scalp before putting it back on.

“He...he footed the bill for a rescue mission a while back. We owed him a favor in return. So we took out someone who was pretending to be a Goetic Prince at his soiree. He had certain…”

The Imp snuck a glance at Blitzo, who was busy playing with the lever on a conveyor belt.

“...He had certain incriminating material on his person.”

Chay looked between Blitzo and Lucius.

Honestly, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to know anything more.

But there was another issue. The Goetic Aristocracy was notoriously decadent, smug and snooty as a rule. But when it came to Stolas…

“Lucius, you do realize that Stolas actually _likes_ Imps, right?”

The Imp looked over his shoulder at Blitzo again, who was now fully engrossed on his phone’s Voxtagram app.

“You have _no_ idea.”, he grumbled.

* * *

A short time later, Viola re-emerged from the armory, with Moxxie and Millie behind her. Considering what they were carrying, it was a remarkably brief span.

Both Moxxie and Millie were carrying enormous sacks on their backs, barely keeping their loads from crushing them as their knees shook and sweat poured down their faces. Their eyes were dilated, as if they had inhaled some strong intoxicant.

“I...I think I’ve seen Heaven.”, Millie gasped.

“Or a reasonable facsimile, I guess.”, Moxxie replied (also gasping).

Blitzo nearly keeled over from laughter.

“Find what you need?”, Chay asked.

“I think they’re well past the point of ‘need’, but yes.”, Viola answered with an eye-roll. “The ammo and hand weapon situation is taken care of”.

“I found _so many_ ninja stars!”, Millie gasped with stars in her irises.

“We won’t be short on ammo for a few months at the very least!”, Moxxie proclaimed.

The bustle of the enclave was briefly broken by the ringtone on Blitzo’s hellphone.

“That’ll be Loona. Can you guys take care of…”

He waved vaguely in the direction of the overburdened Imps.

“...Take care of that? I gotta take this.” He whipped out his Hellphone and held it to his ear.

“Hey, sweety! What’s up?”

“ _You’re not dead yet?”_

“No, Loony. We’re fine. What’s the haps?”

An audible groan could be heard over the phone.

“ _I just got a call from ‘Via. She said her dad wanted to remind you guys about the meeting?”_

Chay raised a questioning eyebrow at Viola.

“She means Octavia.”, she answered. “Stolas’s daughter.”

Blitzo sighed rather loudly.

“I’ve worked with that guy for how long now? He _still_ doesn’t trust us enough to actually do our homework first?”

Lucius snorted. “You thought my name was Lucky”.

“This doesn’t concern you, Loopy!”, Blitzo yelled back.

“I think Stolas is referring to the opening ceremony they’re having.”, Chay replied. “Which I believe is happening in…”

The Hungry ghost girl and the Imps checked their watches. The ribbon cutting was scheduled for 6:30 PM.

It was now 6 o’clock.

“Well...fuck.”, Blitzo sighed.

“Nothing to worry about.”, Viola remarked. “We can make it in time. Just as soon as we get someone to load up these…”

Moxxie yelped as his strength finally failed him. He crashed to the ground as the enormous sack on his back crushed him.

“….supplies.”, she finished.

Moxxie’s muffled voice sounded from underneath his crushing burden.

“Anybody got an asprin?”

* * *

_**Earlier the previous day….** _

“… _.It’s **Confederate** gold.”_

Chay raised an inquisitive eyebrow at the Owl Prince.

“What do you mean, exactly? Like old jewelry?”

“ _Exactly what I said,_ _dear_ _. It is made from gold that once belonged to the Confederate treasury. Millions of dollars in gold coins, bars and otherwise were smuggled out of the town of Columbus, in the American state of Georgia by a Confederate general as the war was nearing its end. After that, much of it largely vanished from the record._ _The Confederacy’s former Secretary of the Treasury was arrested and accused of having made off with a significant sum, but it was never pr_ _o_ _ven._ _”_

“I already gathered that much”, Chay remarked. “The royals in my country did much the same after the revolution. But my question is: For what purpose? What did they intend to do with it? Embezzle it?”

“ _Hmm. Well, many of them simply wanted to get their assets out of the country, I’d wager. Others were under the delusional belief that they could resurrect their cause at a later date, and use the gold to invest in armaments and soldiers. A few of them made their way to Brazil and founded their own city.”_

The Owl Prince leaned forward into the camera, closing the book in his hand with a ready snap.

“ _But others had different plans. Grander plans. Much grander than the officers of the Confederacy had_ _imagined_ _. Do you see the third photograph I’ve provided you?”_

Chay shuffled to the third Polaroid, after the image of the Necklace.

The photograph was of what appeared to be an old pamphlet, in English. The paper was yellowed with age, but the printing was still very clear. It showed an image of a Skull and Crossed Bones, underneath which was a Crescent Moon, upturned and studded with a series of five-pointed stars.

“ _Read me the writing on that photograph, would you dear?_ _Squint if you must._ _”_ , Stolas said.

She brought to the photograph closer to her eyes. Slowly, she could make out the faded print.

“...An authentic exposition of the….Knights of the Golden Circle, or a History of Secession?”

The Owl-demon grinned. _“That’s correct. It’s a pamphlet that purported to expose the secrets of a certain secret society that called itself the Knights of the Golden Circle. Do you notice the symbol on that pamphlet?”_

“You mean the Crescent Moon and the Death’s Head?”

“ _Correct, dear. Now, hold that thought for a moment and let me ask you this: Do you know what the Golden Circle is in reference to?”_

“Well, considering we’re talking Confederates, I’m guessing it has something to do with slavery?”

“ _In a manner of speaking, yes. Before the War, Southern chattel slavery was becoming increasingly unpopular in the Northern states, as well as internationally. Yet there were moneyed interests that wished to keep the system in place. As anti-slavery ‘free states’ were added into the Union, the Southern states began to feel outnumbered and paranoid. So instead of attempting to create new slave states within the US’s territory, some within the Plantation Aristocracy began to consider another option: annex several territories in Mexico, the Caribbean Islands, and Central America that they would then absorb into a new Confederation of slave states they dubbed the ‘Golden Circle’.”_

“And I suppose those territories wouldn’t have had much say in the manner.”

“ _This is the Confederacy we’re talking about, so no.”_

“But obviously they lost the War, so the Golden Circle never came into existence.”

“ _Indeed. Had the Confederates succeeded in their aims of Independence, then they almost surely would have attempted to invade those territories and absorb them into the Confederacy, as the Knights had originally intended. But as you say, they lost. The Knights themselves essentially ceased to exist afterwards.”_

Stolas leaned back into his chair, steepling his fingers. _“Now then, I want you to look one more time at that photograph of the necklace. And I want you to look_ _**closely** _ _.”_

Chay shuffled back to the polaroid of the necklace. She squinted her eyes.

“You see all of those rubies and sapphires, yes?”

She nodded. “They’re kind of hard to miss.”

“ _Quite. But look closer. Those aren’t the only jewels on that medallion, dear.”_

Chay squinted her eyes as tightly as she could. It took a moment, but she did begin to notice something was...off.

There was something else on the medallion. They were tiny, almost like pin pricks, but she could just make them out. They were grouped close together, forming a half-circle that stretched from the left ‘petal’ of the medallion to the right.

“….It’s silver.”, she whispered. “Flakes of silver!”

The Owl Demon grinned. _“Yes, those are pieces of silver. Do you see how many there are?”_

“…..Thirteen. At least, that’s what I can find.”

“ _Good eye, Miss Ong. There are indeed thirteen flakes of silver attached to that medallion. Do you see the pattern they are arranged in? I’m sure you’ll find it familiar.”_

Her eyes slowly traced the flakes across the medallion. They clearly were not put there haphazardly, but carefully placed to form an image...or at the very least, the suggestion of an image.

Then, it hit her.

“…..It’s an upturned crescent.”, she said. “Just like the Crescent Moon on the pamphlet.”

“ _And that, my dear, is why I suspect Colonel Estes is involved in this affair somehow. Estes has often bragged about his war record, and one thing he has let slip is his membership in the Knights. For now, he is the one I suspect to have stolen the medallion. Furthermore, he and his investors seem to be rubbing the theft thoroughly in my face. I have one more photograph I need you to look at, Miss Ong. Then, we will be able to bring this conversation to a close.”_

Chay shuffled the photographs one last time, taking the fourth and final picture in her fingertips.

The photo was of what appeared to be an oval-shaped wooden sign, freshly carved yet appearing to be aged by artificial means. Fresh paint seemed to be dripping from the letters inscribed on it.

“Dr. Williams’s Celebrated Wild West Experience & Medicine Show.”, she read. “See authentic artifacts and staged performances. Opens in…...wait, that’s tomorrow!”

“ _Yes. It’s a new attraction being built at Loo Loo Land,_ _down in the fourth circle_ _. Colonel Estes just so happens to be one of the primary investors. The ribbon-cutting ceremony is tomorrow afternoon.”_

“Honestly, this sounds almost quaint. Endearing, even.”

“ _I’d agree with you, normally. Were it any other situation I would gladly have attended with my daughter. But look closely at that sign. Notice something at the very bottom?”_

She eyed it closely, letting her gaze slowly drift to the bottom of the sign’s carving.

At the very bottom of the sign, was an upturned crescent moon, studded with thirteen stars.

_There_ was the connection.

“ _Miss Ong, here is my_ _proposition_ _for you: I want you and the Immediate Murder Professionals group to attend that opening ceremony tomorrow, and I want you to meet with the Colonel and his business partners._ _I have reason to believe that one of the ‘artifacts’ they will be showing is my wife’s medallion._ _I shall make all the necessary arrangements to facilitate the meeting._ _I want you to locate that medallion, or at the very least, it’s location. Furthermore, I want you to find solid evidence for the identity of the thief, and inform me of who is responsible._ _The rest…I shall handle myself.”_

The Owl demon’s face was perfectly neutral, betraying no emotion...and yet, Chay could sense burning in his dark, mysterious eyes.

“ _In return, I shall compensate you handsomely. I shall also recommend your services to my associates both here…”_

The Owl-demon grinned. _“..._ _**and** _ _in the Living World.”_

* * *

“ _..._ And that’s what he told me.”, Chay said as she wrapped up her story.

“You can’t be fucking serious.”, Blitzo replied with disgust. “He doesn’t share that shit with anybody!”

“That’s definitely not something to take lightly”, Moxxie replied.

Chay, Lucius, Viola, along with their companions from IMP, were strolling across the hot, muggy parking lot that led to Loo Loo Land. An enormous, yet shoddy, sign advertising their destination loomed over the park’s entrance, featuring the park’s eponymous (and terrifying) mascot: a googly-eyed red apple giving a toothy grin. The grinding, rickety percussion of carnival rides combined with the screams of (possible) joy greeted their ears.

Chay shrugged. “I guess whatever Val told him made an impression. Honestly, I still don’t think I’m qualified for that kind of reaction.”

Loona sneered. “Especially coming from Valentino. Stolas fucking _hates_ that guy with a passion”.

“Don’t sell yourself short, Chay”, Millie said while patting Chay on the elbow. “He obviously thinks highly of you. You wouldn’t be able to come here otherwise!”

_That’s what Vag_ _atha_ _said_ , Chay grumbled to herself.

The sounds of merriment and/or terror grew louder as they cleared the front gate, walking past a fat Imp who was manning the security station. He gave them a quick peek before his eyes returned to the Angel Dust video streaming on his Hellphone.

Inside the gates, their senses were immediately waylaid by an overwhelming sensory assault: neon lights, loud chatter and shouts, the clatter of roller coasters and tilt-a-whirls, the shrieking crescendo of carousel music, and figures of various Imp families both great and small. An Imp mother worried over her young Imp daughter as she dangled haphazardly from a carousel horse, while a skeletal specter put her hands down the pants of an Imp woman who was selling ‘Feelies and Fingerfood’, all near a passed-out Carnie whose unconcious head dangled dangerously close to the electrical mechanism supporting the bumper car platform. Almost every inch was plastered with the nightmarish apple mascot’s mug.

“Wow, they sure did rebuild this place pretty fast!”, Millie said.

“This is Mammon we’re talking about.”, Moxxie replied. “He’s not going to let something like excessive fire damage get in the way of profits.”

The rancid smell of greasy carnival food and animal droppings became almost overpowering. Chay felt herself beginning to swoon. She leaned on Loona’s shoulder to steady herself.

...and was immediately roused by the sound of gunshots.

A crackling voice blared from an unseen speaker:

“Roll up, roll up! The grand opening of Mr William’s Celebrated Wild West Experience is in five minutes! Save you places while you can!”

A great crowd of Imps rushed forward, slowly carrying Chay and the others deeper into the park. Moxxie was nearly trampled by the onrushing throng, with Millie worriedly chasing after him.

(Blitzo, however, managed to jump onto Loona’s shoulders...while laughing at Moxxie’s misfortune).

Chay, however, had a brief moment to see a hint towards their (apparent) destination:

A large wooden sign, freshly painted and varnished. The same one in the photograph.

* * *

Fortunately, the air at the Wild West Town wasn’t quite as greasy and overpowering as the Park proper. It was now mostly replaced with the scent of sawdust and gun smoke, something which Chay was much more used to.

Unfortunately, that still left...the mascots.

“Howdy, young cowpoke! You ever wanted to shoot an Injun?”

Chay’s eyes nearly popped out of her head. She wheeled around to see a lowly Park employee dressed as the Park’s infamous mascot (with obvious frayed threads and scuffed paint). Whoever ran the park had decided to demean the poor man even further by making them wear a ridiculous foam cowboy hat on their bulbous apple head and a popgun holstered on a neon-orange belt.

Moxxie let out a loud yelp before diving behind Millie, his eyes wide with fear and his knees knocking together. “G-g-g-get that thing away from me!” Millie softy patted his head while quietly shushing her terrified husband.

“Um….no thank you?”, Chay replied sheepishly.

“Well then, pardner! Just lemme know if you want to go a ‘whompin! Yee haw!”. The mascot then walked away with an exaggerated bow-legged stance, with the cartoonishly large spurs on his boots clinking as he left.

The rest of the Wild West Town was no less cartoonish.

Like many of her generation, Chay had seen the Hollywood films in her country’s cinemas that purported to tell stories of the ‘Wild West’, as the Americans called it. Every film had it’s own set of tropes that she had quickly picked up on, so much so that she could almost predict the exact outcome of every single film: There was always a lone gunman, usually wearing a white hat, riding into a small frontier town on a horse, who would then walk into a saloon where he would then get into a fistfight with some ruffians, who were led by a sinister cowboy wearing a black hat. There would then be a duel at High Noon, where the two cowboys would then draw their pistols from their holsters. The white-hatted one was always the fastest, and the black-hatted one always fell to the ground, clutching their chest from a relatively bloodless gunshot wound. Occasionally there would be flamboyantly dressed prostitutes with ample cleavage, or a wacky gold prospector with a scraggly beard, or an ineffective Marshall who was better dressed and groomed then the rest of the town. If the native peoples (who were the original inhabitants of the ‘untamed’ West) made any appearances at all, it was as either an existential threat, noble savages, or some combination there of. They were never the heroes, only the sidekick at best.

That seemed to be the effect they were going for with this particular attraction. The town was packed with 19 th  century architecture; buildings of wood and brick, packed together like sardines with a single wooded awning connecting them. A saloon was packed next to a General Store (which was actually just a gift shop), which in turn was next to a Gun Store which claimed to sell authentic Colt revolvers and repeater rifles. Wooden wagons stood in for standard concession stands, with many hooking up the edge of their cloth coverings to nearby awnings in order to protect their merchandise from the elements. Freshly painted signs with artificially weathered wood completed the effect.

The shriek of a microphone got her attention.

“Howdy, folks! I’m thrilled as can be to finally welcome you all to our little town!”

In front of the immense crowd was a tall wooden stage, decorated with red, white and blue bunting hanging over the edge, and an enormous cloth banner in the rear featuring a scantily-clad Imp cowgirl riding a skeletal horse. On stage was the source of the voice: A bald, fat Sinner that resembled a furless tapir wearing an expensive (and sweaty) four-piece suit consisting of a black jacket, blue shirt, gray trousers, and a white wide-brimmed hat. A gold pocket watch (with long and prominent chain) hung from his pocket.

“Now, for y’all folks who don’t know me, my name is Mr. Williams. You might have seen my name on the sign.”

A lone giggle came from the crowd, before quietly extinguishing itself with an awkward cough.

“Now, I know you don’t want me to take up too much of your time this evening, so I’ll make this as brief as I can before we open the attractions….”

“ **Horses!”** , Blitzo shouted loudly from Loona’s shoulders.

The speaker cleared his throat. “Yes, we’ll have plenty of horses and other things for you to enjoy soon. But before that, I’d like to also introduce my co-investor in this particular endeavor of ours. A man who has as much passion for the Good ol’ U. S. of A. as I do…in a matter of speaking, that is….Everyone put your hands and assorted hooves together for the Colonel!”

Loud applause erupted from the crowd as the Sinner known as Colonel Estes slowly slithered up onto the stage, waving at the crowd and flashing a million dollar smile (fangs and all). He was wearing the exact same outfit as the one he was wearing in Stolas’s photograph, with the small addition of a few extra medals that were jangling on his officer’s coat.

“Good evenin’, my fine lookin’ gentlemen and gentle-ladies!”, he shouted with a pronounced Southern drawl. The white mustache on his face jiggled with every enunciated vowel.

“I am just pur-dee delighted to see all of y’all here with me. Now for those of y’all who don’t recognize me, my name is Col. Estes Bartholomew Beauregard III, of the Georgia Beauregards!...and not those mincin’ Frog-eaters from Louisiana. I am a proud veteran of the glorious Confederate Army who was martyred at the Battle of Chickamauga, and I come to you this evening because I was absolutely entranced by Mr. Williams and his vision! ‘A version of America as it should be’, he said to me. Well, my soldierly heart just couldn’t deny such passion! As a proud Confederate veteran, the idea of ‘America as it should be’ appeals so very deeply for those of my kind….”

Chay could hear Viola audibly grunt next to her. Being the history buff of the organization, she was already visibly annoyed by the Colonel’s speech.

“….but enough about protocol. Now, I don’t much care to waste one’s time when there’s fun to be had, so I’ll simply say this: Me and Mr. Williams have sunk an awful lot of coin into this here project, and so we do hope that you and your short red brethren will enjoy it to the fullest...because we really need to make that money back. Otherwise, some legs will be broken. Enjoy the attraction, everyone!”

His speech ended with a staccato of fireworks exploding in the ruby-red evening sky. An enormous cheer erupted from the crowd as both Mr. Williams and the Colonel gave parting waves before stepping off of the stage.

Chay’s eyes narrowed.

_\- So that’s the fucker we have to speak with…._

“Well, that guy was certainly….interesting? I want to say interesting.”, Moxxie replied. “He’s like a reject from a Civil War re-enactment”

Millie, for her part, wasn’t charmed in the slightest. “He’s _definitely_ exaggerating his accent. So ‘reject’ is the perfect description.”

Moxxie raised an eyebrow. “Really? He was certainly trying to act the part but….wait, Loona?”

The Hellhound looked down at the much shorter Imp. “Yeah?”

“Um….where’s the boss?”

Loona reached up to her shoulders….only to touch her own fur.

Blitzo had seemingly slipped off of her shoulders and disappeared into the crowd. Her head whipped around as she sniffed the air.

“Oh, goddammit! Blitzo!” she growled angrily.

* * *

They found him near the horse stables, eyes glued to a group of sharp-toothed Hellponies that were meandering about their quarters. He was completely still, almost hypnotized, with his only motion being the occasional crack of his tail.

“ _Hooooorseeessssss_ ”, he whispered, completely entranced.

“I fucking knew it.”, Loona growled.

A large, bulky Imp carnie (by Imp standards) with a moustache held a particular Hellpony, one that was white with brown splotches, on a spikey leash.

He held it out to Blitzo. “Ya wanna give her a ride, little girl?”

The wide-eyed Imp was stunned, questioningly pointing at himself.

“Yes, you darlin.”, the carnie nodded.

Blitzo’s eyes widened considerably before he let out a squee of joy. He jumped up and down clapping his hands enthusiastically.

“Hear you go!”

Blitzo didn’t wait. He leapt over the fence and snatched them from the carnie before leaping onto the Hellpony’s saddle.

“Yippie-ki-yay ya dick-tweezers!”.

The Hellpony, for her part, was shockingly calm, if only because she probably had experience with fussy toddlers - and Blitzo was, if anything, a full-grown fussy toddler.

Moxxie shook his head. “Well, at the very least he probably won’t be leaving that spot for a while. So what’s our next course of action?”

Lucius spoke up: “Well, our first course of action should be to -”

_rrrRRRummBBLlllelee_

“ - get dinner, apparently”, he finished with a visible blush on his cheeks.

“Yeah, but where exactly?”, Millie asked. “I’m not exactly in the mood for carnival fare, and we probably shouldn’t leave the park or we might miss our chance at speaking with the Colonel...”

“Wait…”, Loona suddenly piped up. “Does anyone else hear that?”

Chay moved her hair away from her left ear. “Yes, actually….is that music?”

Through the din of Carnival noise, a lone chord could be heard in the air.

“Oh. My. God!”, Loona shouted, pointing off to an area away from the stables.

The group turned their heads to where Loona’s claw directed, down the dusty street of this fake Cowboy world, towards the source of the music.

Sitting on top of a rusted bucket, hat tipped down over his eyes, was Leeroy Scratch, picking and sliding a song on his rail instrument for the small crowd gathered around him.

“….and this next one I like to call ‘Sin Train Blues’. It goes like this.”

His claws plucked a string. The note whined and withered with the slide of his bottleneck.

♫ _ **First ticket in the line/**_

_**got the last seat in the back.** _

_**Yeah, I got the first ticket in the line/** _

_**and got the last seat in the back.** _

_**I done payed the piper/** _

_**And ya know there ain’t no goin’ back...♪** _

“Did he just rhyme ‘back’ with ‘back’?”, Moxxie asked.

Loona did not respond. She simply stood still, her eyes starry and her tail wagging vigorously.

* * *

**(12/** **21** **/2020)**

Chay had to admit that the man had talent, and the charisma to back it up.

Loona wasn’t the only figure with their tail wagging (in a matter of speaking, of course). The crowd around Leeroy was an absolute cavalcade of the underworld’s fauna. Imps, specters and other hellhounds like Loona had all gathered around the blue-furred bluesman and his strange instrument. His voice was like a whiskey-soaked howl, even more effective in person than it was on Voxtube.

The bluesman stood up from his stool and removed his hat, showing his scruffy scalp.

“Well, I do thank you all for watchin’ this impromptu performance. If’n ya liked my warblin’, I’d very much appreciate it if you’d throw some scratch my way.”

His wolfish face grinned as several Imps threw cash into his hat, almost as sharp and toothy as the picture of Mammon on the bills.

He grabbed the bills from his hat and quickly counted them before shoving them into his shirt pocket. “Well thank y’all kindly.”, he said.

He took his ‘instrument’ and placed it on his shoulder, carrying it like an axe. He started whistling to himself before he turned and noticed Loona.

“Well well...here’s a fine lookin’ filly if I ever saw one.”

Leeroy gave Loona a wink. She in turn gave a squeaky ‘eep!’ in response.

“I’ll take that as a ‘hello’, darlin. So what ya doin’ here? You didn’t come to just see ol’ Leeroy now, did ya?”

“W-what? Well, no...not really, I…”

Moxxie looked at Loona wide-eyed. “Holy Heaven...is this the first time Loona has been legitimately rendered speechless?”

The Hellhound wheeled around and growled at the Imp. “Shut your cake-hole, baby dick!”, she barked before turning back to Leeroy.

She shyly waved back her bangs from her forehead. “Um….I’m a big fan, Mr. Scratch!”

“Oh are ya, now? Well then, would ya like me to take ya down South sometime?”, he growled seductively. His blue muzzle eased closer and closer to her’s, threatening to touch the tip of her snout….

...And then immediately halted after the sound of a thunderous jet engine and a threatening Blitzo leaping onto his torso.

“Hey hey HEY! You better neuter yourself before you think you can put your tamale in my Loony’s delta, buster!”.

Leeroy put up his hands. “Whoa, now…I didn’t mean anything untoward, sir. Just tryin’ to get friendly with a fan.”

“Yeah, well you can start by not creepin’ on my daughter! You want to shatter that hymen you gotta break through ME first!”

“Dad! Ew!”. Loona made a gagging noise.

Blitzo halted his tirade to reconsider his choice of words.

“….OK, I could have worded that better. Sorry Loony, I could have worded that better!”, he answered Loona.

His head whipped back around and stared daggers into Leeroy.

“Now, what are you gonna do to make up for this bullsh-”

_rrrRRRRrrrruUUUmmMMBBlllEe_

Leeroy grinned sheepishly.

“Huh...seems I happen to be a bit famished.”, he said.

“No…”, Blitzo replied. “I think that was me. I’m fuckin’ hungry!”

Leeroy peeled Blitzo off of his jacket and set him down on the ground. “Tell you what…I’ve just had a nice payday, so how’s about we all put this behind us and go to the local Chow-Chow for some supper?”

“Oh, free food? Fuck yeah, all’s forgiven!”

“Then follow me. My treat.”

Leeroy tipped his hat and strolled across the dusty street. Chay and co. followed him as the Pentagram Moon began peeking through the green sky. A rooster, or a reasonable facsimile of one, crowed out the hour.

“So, I know I’m not the only one thinking this”, Lucius said, “but...what are we gonna do after it gets dark?”

“Oh, me and Moxxie already booked a hotel for us near the parking lot.”, Millie answered. “Loona and Blitzo will be heading back to the office afterwards. What are you guys gonna do?”

Chay stared down at Lucius. “Yeah, _boss_. What are we gonna do?”

Lucius started sweating, desperately looking around for a distraction.

“Well, ya see….oh, I think we’re at our destination!”

The group stopped in front of a storefront bearing several roasted ducks hanging from hooks, a neon sign that said ‘Chop Suey’ and a cheap plastic Buddha.

“A Chinese restaurant?”, Moxxie said.

“Huh.”, Viola said. “I mean...I guess it’s _technically_ historically accurate. The first Chinese restaurants in America were opened during the Gold Rush, and there was a lot of Chinese labor that helped build the Western territories so…”

Leeroy grinned. “Trust me on this one. You’re gonna love it.”

Chay had actually heard of these places (sort of, with help from Viola). Most of the Chinese immigrants who came to work in North America were from Canton, so the food they served in their restaurants reflected it. But when they started getting more and more curious Westerners in their establishments, they started modifying the cuisine until it became something wholly unique to the United States. Once it started spreading to the rest of the country, savvy Chinese restaurateurs began selling the modified recipes as ‘authentic’. They even began adopting dishes that were not native to Canton, often without access to some of the most crucial ingredients and spices.

She had also heard about how the food and people who worked at these establishments had been stereotyped so extensively that the resulting caricatures barely resembled what they were supposed to be slandering. Stories of stray animals in the fryers, of MSG poisoning ‘vital fluids’, and of course the constant jokes about the workers’ heavily accented and broken English.

“Yeah! Eggroll me, biatch!”

Blitzo charged through the restaurant’s door, nearly shattering the glass with his horns. The rest of the group followed suit and were immediately hit with the scent of soy sauce, fried rice and cooked spices, where they were greeted at the door by….

* * *

“Ah Herro, hungry customah! You want eggroll and fry rice, yessss?”

Chay could only stand there and stare. Her jaw nearly unhinged and hit the sticky floorboards.

Greeting them, behind a dusty counter, was a blue-skinned Sinner who was the walking embodiment of every Chinese stereotype ever thought of. He wore a flowing white robe (with extra long sleeves), an enormous conical rice hat over a balding head (complete with long cue braid that nearly brushed the floor), and had an enormous pair of buckteeth protruding from his lips, all of which was wreathed by a snowy white goatee. The only thing on him that appeared natural were his slanted eyes, and even that appeared overly exaggerated.

“Oh. My. God.”, Chay whispered.

“Oh, now this is just precious.” Blitzo couldn’t contain his laughter.

Leeroy greeted the odd gentleman. “Howdy Wong. Fix us up with some fixins, will ya?”

“Right away no delay, Mistah Scratch! You want egg roll to start? Maybe pork bun yes?”

She wasn’t sure whether she wanted to laugh or cry.

The rest of the group sat down at a nearby booth, sitting on squeaky but otherwise solid stools.

“Egg rolls would be mighty nice, Wong.”, Leeroy called back.

“Comin up!”

The odd man dove behind the counter. The sound of sizzling fryers and rice cookers filled the room, as well as the scent of cooked wheat flour and duck sauce. Random bits of cutlery and oyster pails flew up from behind the counter in the chaos.

Within what seemed like seconds, the Sinner known as Wong emerged from behind the counter with a steaming platter of egg rolls.

Chay had to admit, they did smell pretty good.

Wong waddled over to the table, setting the platter down.

“Caution! Hot Plate! No touch or fingers sizzle!”

Blitzo immediately ignored this advice and grabbed a handful before shoving them into his mouth. His eyes watered as he gave a pained smile.

“Tasty! Think these were made Sichuan style!”

Moxxie grumbled. “Egg rolls are not from the Sichuan province, sir.”

Viola cautiously picked one up and took a bite.

“Hmm. These actually are quite nice.”, she said.

Lucius followed after her and ate one. He nodded his agreement.

Chay carefully took one from the hot platter and bit into it. The crispy skin shattered pleasantly between her teeth as her mouth was filled with savory pork, duck sauce, shredded cabbage and delicate spices.

These actually tasted as well as they smelled. Better, even.

“Told ya.”, Leeroy said smuggly. “Been going here since the place first opened. Wong works some real magic on them woks of his.”

That got Chay’s attention.

Millie piped up. “Wow, these are amazing! What’s your secret, Wong?”

_-Oh no, please don’t tell me he’s going to say it._

Wong proudly pointed to himself and replied: “Ancient Chinese secret!”

Chay’s head smacked against the table.

_-This shit is so racist I can almost hear the firecrackers._

But then a thought suddenly entered her head. Leeroy had said that he’d been going here since the place first opened...but that didn’t make any sense.

“Wait, you mean this place isn’t new?”, Chay asked. “This part of the park just opened!”

“That’s because Wong predates this part of the park by about three months.”, Leeroy answered. “This used to be a neigborhood.”

Lucius spat out his egg-rolls. “Run that back by me again: This used to be a neighborhood?”

Blitzo managed to stop choking down egg rolls long enough to speak up. “Oh yeah, a lot of Loo Loo Land is newly built. They had to do some renovating after the fire.”

“You mentioned that earlier.”, Chay said. “What fire are we talking about, exactly?”

Moxxie stared daggers into Blitzo. “Why yes, sir. Please tell Miss Ong of the fire that _you_ helped cause.”

“Hey! I didn’t do it on purpose! That fucking clown threw me into the Torch Cart!”

“Because _you_ started shooting at him! While _you_ were supposed to be guarding our client!”

“And it all worked out in the end!”

“Me and Millie were nearly blown to smithereens!”

Millie interjected. “Yeah, everything after the blast is kind of a blur.”

“And they wonder why I prefer to stay in the office.”, Loona grumbled.

“ _Anyway_ …”, Blitzo continued, “After they started rebuilding they purchased the lease on this area and absorbed it into Loo Loo Land.”

“So, this wasn’t originally part of Loo Loo Land, but they bought it after everyone’s houses burned down?”, Chay asked.

“Yeah, or at least that’s what they said.”, Millie answered. “I’m not entirely sure if the fire actually reached out this far.”.

Chay scratched her cheek, deep in thought.

_-That would mean Wong was here before this part of the park was built._

Chay finally had her first lead.

The question now was whether or not he was willing to talk...or whether or not she could tolerate him long enough without wanting to vomit.

Come to think of it…

“Um, where is our host?”, Chay asked.

Leeroy looked around. “Huh. Maybe he went back into the kitchen. Probably getting more egg rolls.”

_Hmmm…._

Chay stood up from her seat.

“Excuse me guys. I’m gonna start surveying the area for the case. I’ll see you again in a little bit.”

Blitzo waved her off as he started licking the platter, forgetting that it was still quite hot. She could hear sizzling noises as she walked away.

Chay walked through the front door and back out into the park. There were still several Imps roving the grounds, but nowhere near as chaotic as it had been earlier. She took in a deep breath.

“ _Pssst, hey you…”_

_\- The fuck?_

Chay’s eyes wondered around in front of her. She swore she could hear someone trying to get her attention.

“ _Hey, you! Miss Gruesome!”_

She looked over her shoulder and noticed a small hand waving at her. It was coming from the small alleyway between the restaurant and the gift shop.

Wong poked his head out from the alley, frantically gesturing at Chay to follow him.

She shrugged her shoulders and trotted over to the alley-way.

She found Wong standing there (taller than she thought he was), looking around himself to see if anyone had spotted him.

“Anyone follow you?”, he asked.

She raised her eyebrow and looked behind her. “Um, no?”.

“Ah...good.”

Wong plucked the buckteeth from his lips, and put them into his pocket. He removed the rice hat from his head and tossed it behind him.

“You wanna ditch this place and go eat some _actual_ Asian food?”, he asked her.

* * *

“I have... _several_ questions.”

Chay shut the door behind her as Wong led her into a small kitchen/dining room set-up, downstairs from his restaurant. A stove, pressed between a counter and spice rack, was at full power with a couple of pots gently boiling away on the burners. This particular kitchen was much cleaner, and did not seem to give the sensation that every touchable surface was sticky.

“And you will have answers, in good time.” The Sinner who had called himself Wong pulled out a chair. “Have a seat, my friend”, he said with a pleasant grin.

She sat down at the table, which was covered with a plain floral cloth. The smell of cooked noodles filled her nose, far more pleasant than the greasiness she had endured upstairs.

Wong fetched a couple of bowls from a nearby cabinet and grabbed a ladle. He reached the ladle into a pot, and then poured the contents into both bowls. He then Grabbed a pair of tongs and reached into the pot next to it, and emerged with noodles which he then piled onto the bowls. He deftly reached to his spice wrack and grabbed some black pepper and soy sauce and lightly dusted the bowls with both.

He walked back over to the table and placed a bowl in front of Chay, along with a steaming cup of tea. “No worries, it’s on the house.”

Chay looked at the bowl. It certainly looked appetizing, and smelled appetizing as well. Much lighter and less overpowering thann the take-out that Wong had been serving upstairs.

Which reminded her…

“So...aren’t the others going to be a little suspicious?”

“Of what?”, Wong said through a mouthful of noodles.

“Well...I did just kind of ditch all of them. They’re probably gonna wonder where I’ve been.”

“Oh, that. Don’t worry…”. Wong wiped broth from his thin beard. “Leeroy ordered the extra large Pupu Platter for the whole table. They’ll be pretty occupied for the next hour or so.”

He smirked. “But that’s not really what you want to ask me, is it?”

Chay leaned back in the chair and stared at Wong….no, that probably wasn’t his real name. Unlike the bizarre caricature she had met upstairs, this man no longer sported cartoonish buckteeth or a comical rice hat. His eyes were also noticeably less slanted, and he was not nearly as hunched over as he had been earlier. Furthermore, he had long since ditched the weird white smock he had been wearing previously and now wore a simple white shirt and trousers. His blue face was marked by the thin goatee she had seen earlier, with a gentle (almost beatific) smile. The only sign that he was a Sinner (other than the blue skin), were the small horns on his enormous forehead, made larger by his receding hairline.

And the noodles….

She used her chopsticks to take a bite.

Rice noodles, with a rich beef broth that tasted of spicy Sriacha and holy basil.

She started laughing.

“OK, now I want some answers.”

Wong put his bowl back down on the table. “Then by all means: ask away.”

She folded her hands and smirked.

“So first thing’s first…”

She leaned back in her chair and looked him directly in his eyes.

“Why is a Vietnamese man making Chinese take-out at a theme park?”

Wong stared at her for a moment…before erupting in laughter.

“My Goodness, you really are perceptive.”

He cleared his throat.

“So what gave it away?”

“Oh, a couple of things. The noodles, for one. I’ve had my share of pho before, but the only good pho I’ve eaten was made by Vietnamese cooks.”

“That’s an...interesting observation. But I suppose I’m flattered, nonetheless.”

“The other thing? The accent. Dead giveaway.”

Hr raised an eyebrow. “Really? I’ve actually been told that my accent was rather light compared to others. I’m well traveled, you know, speak several languages and…”

“No, I mean the _other_ accent.” She slurped down another mouthful and wiped her mouth. “That travesty you were using upstairs. Which, I must say...not a good look.”

He sighed and shook his head. “Yes, I know. Every time I use it I swear I can hear my ancestors cursing me. _C’est la vie_.”

“Seriously, what the _fuck_ man?”

He waved around himself. “Look around, my friend. Look at this place. Look at who owns it. Do you really think they would have let me work here if I didn’t fit some kind of preconceived stereotype?”

Chay thought back to a couple of hours ago, when the Colonel had given his speech.

“….Touche. But why that? Why so...puerile?”

“I repeat my previous statement. It was the only way I was able to keep my property and be absorbed into this asinine attraction without having Mr. Williams evict me.”

She closed her eyes for a moment. A frame was beginning to form in her mind.

“But then again, I _could_ ask the same thing of you. Namely...”

He picked up his cup and drank deeply before putting it back down onto the table.

“What’s a Khmer doing with a bunch of Imps at a shitty theme-park attraction?”

Chay nearly choked on her own tea.

He simply laughed, betraying no surprise.

She looked at him, giving him the side-eye.

“…..What’s your real name?”

He put his bowl back on the table, and leaned back in his chair, arms crossed.

“You start.”

“Chay Ong. I’m a Private Investigator.”  
  


She reached into her pockets and produced her hellphone. She placed it on the table and hit the record button.

“Now your turn.”

He looked at the hellphone on the table and smirked.

“I had several names when I was alive. A few dozen, actually.”

He grinned.

“But down here, for the last seventy-odd years I’ve used the name Coi.”

* * *

“….And that’s how I wrote ‘Jugband Hell Blues’ on a slide whistle.”

“Wow.”, Loona said, completely starstruck. “You’re a multi-instrumentalist to?”

“I contain multitudes, darlin.”, Leeroy replied, licking kung pao sauce off of his muzzle.

Blitzo, for his part, was staring daggers into Leeroy, slurping at a milkshake while looking as if we wanted to shove the cup into one of Leeroy’s holes.

“By the way….something I’ve always been curious about, Leeroy…”, Loona began to ask. “Are you a Sinner or a Hellhound?”

“Does it matter?”, he replied, raising an eyebrow.

The hellhound girl blushed. “Well, not really, but…”

Leeroy leaned in and whispered into her ear. “Hellhound, darlin’. Couldn’t be here otherwise.”

Loona’s tail wagged furiously in response.

“Remember when we were like that, Mox?”, Millie said, chewing on a spare rib. “When you pulled out your guitar and serenaded me for the first time?”

“Sure I do, Millie. I just hope I didn’t come off quite so….sleazy.” Moxxie used a napkin to wipe his mouth.

Millie leaned in and licked his cheek, lapping up a stray crumb. “Hey, maybe I like it when you’re a little sleazy.”, she grinned.

Moxxie, always vulnerable to his wife’s lasciviousness, could only blush.

The conversation was broken up by the sound of the jingling bell and the creak of the door opening.

“I say now, where’s that Wong fella?”

“Colonel, sir!”, Leeroy said, standing up from his seat. “What are you doing here?”

Colonel Estes slithered into the restaurant, followed by what could be assumed as his security detail: two red Imps wearing body armor and carrying machine guns, accompanied by a tall black sheep  demon wearing a black turtleneck and trousers. Unlike the Colonel, who appeared jolly, the sheep  demon looked like he wanted to be anywhere else.

“Leeroy, my boy!”, the Colonel answered back. “How goes it? Doing well, I hope?”

The sheep demon turned up his nose.

“Are you sure we can’t go somewhere else, sir?”, the sheep demon said, using a posh british accent. “This place is so...low-class.”

“Now bite your tongue, Mr. Bodfish suh!”, the Colonel replied. “If liking that little Chinaman’s chop suey is wrong...well, that’s besides the point.”

Lucius reached over and grabbed Viola. “Fucking Hell!”, he whispered. “That’s the guy Chay is looking for!”

“I have eyes as well, Lu.”, Viola replied nonchalantly.

“Now, Leeroy, be a gentleman and introduce me to your yankee friends here. I do so hate to be rude…”

Moxxie jumped up and vigorously shook the Colonel’s hand. “Hello, Mr. Colonel sir! My name is Moxxie and that’s my wife Millie.”

Moxxie motioned over to Blitzo, who was currently using a pair of egg rolls to give himself walrus tusks.

“...And that’s my boss, Blitzo. We’re here on the request of His Highness, Prince Stolas.”

The colonel pulled away his hand, revealing an IMP business card stuck in his palm. He stared at the tiny parcel.

“IMP, you say….oh! I do believe I’ve heard of you!”

Moxxie and Blitzo perked up, their eyes wide. “Really?!”, they said in unison.

“But of course! Me and Mr. Stolas have become quite good friends you know, and he has nothing but praise for your adorable little enterprise!”.

“….T-thank you, I guess?”, Moxxie replied, not sure if to take that as a compliment or offensive.

“But enough about that, where is Mr. Wong?”

Blitzo raised an eyebrow. “Yeah….where is that little-”

“Right here right away, Mistah Coroner Estus!”, a loud voice yapped from behind the counter.

The Sinner known as Coi, now under his Wong persona, emerged from behind the counter as if via trapdoor. A slightly dusty Chay emerged behind him, wiping her skeletal mouth with a napkin. She wrapped her scarf back around her face, mostly to overpower the greasy smell.

“Wong, suh! So good to see you! How’s business?”

“It’s going Mighty Joe big dollah, Mistah Estus!”, Wong replied.

Chay cringed. “Reign it in a little, please?”, she whispered.

“I can’t, otherwise he’ll get suspicious.”, Wong (or really, Coi) whispered back, before blending right back into his role. “You want usual?”

“Why yes, I think I do! You know me so well, Mr. Wong!”

“Always for numbah one customah! Now, chop suey special, yes?”

“Indeed. And how about you serve it with a side of them happy chinaman rice grits you make!”

Chay wasn’t sure if she was still capable of crying...but at that moment she kind of wanted to.

“Yes suh! Chop Suey Special with side of happy chiney rice grits for Coroner!”

Wong dove back behind the counter, with the sound of clattering pots and pans accompanying him.

The sheep demon known as Bodfish shook his head, disgusted.

The colonel took in a huge breath, savoring the smells of the restaurant.

“Ah, I do love the smell of chinaman food!”, he exclaimed.

Chay’s teeth began chattering together in frustration. She wanted nothing more than to smack this bonnie blue ding-dong across his scaly face.

“Hmmm...I don’t believe I’ve seen you before, Madam.”

The colonel finally seemed to recognize Chay’s existence. He looked her up and down, his cane tapping against the floor tiles.

Lucius gulped, looking at Viola with panic. She mouthed ‘relax’ in reply.

“...Ah! Now I remember! You’re that security detail that Mr. Stolas hired!”

The colonel slithered up to Chay, his cane tapping along as he moved.

“Yes, I do believe you’re the young lady he hired to find his stolen heirloom!”

Chay nodded. “Yes, that would be me.”

“Well butter my balls and call me a biscuit, _of course_ that’s who you are. Why, I should have realized that as soon as I saw Mr. Blitzo in company!”

B litzo withheld a snicker. Loona simply burst out laughing.

“Well then, allow me to introduce myself properly…”

The Colonel took Chay’s hand and kissed it.

“My name is Colonel Estes Bartholomew Beauregard III. I’m sure you saw me on stage with Mr. Williams.”

“You’ve got that right.”, Chay replied.

“Now, that wooly sourpuss over there is Mister Nimrod Bodfish, head of my security detail.”

“Charmed”, Bodfish answered in kind, clearly not serious.

Chay immediately disliked him.

“But enough of that. I think you and me have much to discuss, Miss….?”

“Ong. Chay Ong.”

“Miss Ong. A pleasure’.”

* * *

** Earlier that day… **

“...But I’ll do it regardless. Later!”

Shakie hung up her phone and collapsed on her bed, sighing in frustration.

It had been three months since she had met Chay (admittedly in not the best circumstances), and as much as she liked her, she swore that speaking to her was like screaming at a brick wall. Why wouldn’t she come to the Hotel? What was she running away from?

After that first night, after the savage and merciless treatment of Profera’s goons, when she opened her eyes in the Hotel’s lobby, expecting the absolute worst...but instead seeing the kind, caring faces of Charlie and Vaggie...she knew she had found her sanctuary. She had spent decades in utter misery, and for the first time she found a place filled with people who loved and cared for her. She saw Lilly, and Marcy, and all of the other girls who had fled Valentino...and Angel! Her best guy pal! He was the first one to hug her to that poofy chest of his and cry happy tears.

But Chay? Chay had been down here much longer than she had. She had opened up to Shakie, almost like she was the first real gal pal that she had ever had in her life! It was just like being  _ near _ the Hotel had had a significant effect on her mood, on her daily life. 

The Chay she saw wasn’t the gloomy, moody zombie, but a vibrant and happy creature that was full of life.

….And she was running away from her.

Shakie opened her eyes...to see two small goat faces looking down at her. Both had red wool, and rosey cheeks. Charlie’s helpers, Razzle and Dazzle.

“Oh! Hiya, guys….something up?”

“No worries, they’re with me.”, a voice called from her door. It slowly creaked open to reveal Vaggie, in her usual white dress.

Shakie got up from her bed. “Charlie not with you?”

Vaggie shook her head. “No, she’s stuck in the library again. More research.”

“Awww, man.” Shakie collapsed back on the bed again. “I was hoping she could come with Angie and me to the donut shop…”

“Yeah...think that’s a no go. But that’s also what I wanted to talk to you about. Can I come in?”

Shakie sat up on her bed, cross-legged. “Always, Vaggie”.

Vaggie walked into the room, looking around. The felinoid Sinner had certainly made herself at home since she’s moved in. She had covered the walls in her favorite neon pink and yellow, with photographs of her and the other girls, and several with Angel Dust...as long as various posters of White Lion and other late 80s hair metal bands.

“So how has it been going with Chay?”

Shakie immediately frowned and looked down at her floor.

“...No good, huh?”, Vaggie replied.

“She’s _avoiding_ me, Vaggie. I just know it.”

Vaggie sat down next to Shakie and put her hand on top of hers.

“Is she avoiding you, specifically...or is she avoiding the Hotel?”

“Me, the Hotel, and everything to do with the Hotel!”

Shakie expected an empathetic hug, or a shoulder touch...but instead, Vaggie  was looking straight into her feline eyes, as if she was searching for something.

“Shakie, has Chay said anything about having another….attack?”

“You mean the Hunger? No, she hasn’t but…”

“...But you know that it’s coming. Me to, that’s what I’m afraid of. That’s what _Charlie_ is afraid of.”

Vaggie took a deep breath and turned to Shakie.

“Shakie, I know where Chay is.”

Shakie’s eyes widened. “What do you mean? Is she OK?!”

“Calm down.”, Vaggie replied, patting her shoulder. “She’s fine, but she’s somewhere she isn’t supposed to be. That’s why Charlie has been pouring over books in the library for the last couple of days.”

Shakie simply stared at Vaggie, slowly shaking her head. “I...I don’t understand.”

“Shakie...Chay is with the IMP crew at Loo Loo Land”.

“...Loo Loo Land? But how? Why?”  


“All I know is what our informant told us: she’s apparently looking for a piece of stolen property.”

“But how is she…?”

Vaggie stood up and turned around, staring out the door.

“You know where Loo Loo Land is located, right?”

“Well, yeah...it’s in the Fourth Circle.”

“Which Sinners are not supposed to be able to access.”

“Well, yeah...not without getting permission and a ward spell from a member of the Royal family.”

“That’s just it, Shakie.”

Vaggie turned back around and put a hand on Shakie’s arm.

“ _She doesn’t have a ward._ ”

Shakie didn’t know how to reply.

“Shakie...come with me. I think Charlie wants to ask you a few questions…”

* * *

**END OF CHAPTER 2**


	3. All Good Things...

**Chapter 3: All Good Things…**

_They had been welcomed...at first._

_When news that the venal, vain-glorious King and his family had fled the country, there was much jubilation. Why wouldn’t there be? The creaking, rotten Monarchy had done nothing to progress, to reform itself in order to serve it’s people. The King had done nothing but hoard the wealth to himself, and use it to make_ _his_ _stupid films, fancying himself some kind of_ _renaissance man while his people starved._

_She remembered very clearly: the tears of happiness, the cries of joy that the people in the city gave. It was a new era, after all. A chance to start anew. The Red Flag of the Party fluttered along with their hearts. Socialism was something new, and it had so much potential._

_...Then the cheering stopped. Replaced by screams. It was not socialism that the Khmer Rouge would be giving them._

_Brother Number One had given them the order._

_She was among the black-clothed legions who began firing into the air. At gun point, the people in the city were forced to go into their homes, and gather the minimalist of their belongings that they could carry._

_There was no place for a city in the era of Year Zero…_

* * *

_Wham!_

Chay had torn herself out of her nightmare...and right into a stovepipe. Her forehead rang with the impact.

Coi had charitably offered his kitchen for Chay to sleep in for the night. It wasn’t particularly homey, but she had slept in less comfortable places before. She’d set up a small sleeping space near the oven, bundling together various table cloths with the meager blankets that Coi had provided for her.

And this….this wasn’t good.

Her hand gripped at her jaw. Her teeth hurt, like they were cramping. She felt like she had Tetanus. Her shoulders and back ached.

She turned on her hellphone and checked the time. 10:00AM.

She shifted through her apps, trying to find the white noise generator she had installed.

Nothing.

_-Fuck it._

She went through her audio recordings and hit the interview she’d had with Coi.

She hit play.

She laid her head back down onto her make-shift ‘pillow’ as the interview began...

\--- _beep_ \---

* * *

“So Mr. Coi...that is your name, right?”

“ _Well like I said, I’ve had several names in the past. But Coi is the one I’ve been using for the last sixty-some odd years.”_

“Yes, that. Anyway, you consent to this interview?”

“ _Of course.”_

“Very good. Now, can you state what your occupation is?”

“ _For now, I’m a restaurateur.”_

“What do you mean _‘for now’_?”

“ _I tend to move around a lot. The fact that I’ve been relatively stationary here is...unusual, I’ll give you that…”_

“Yes, well…let’s not waste time. How long has this restaurant been here?”

“ _Long enough to have to answer to new landlords and new market trends.”_

“Meaning?”

“ _Meaning I was here before Loo Loo Land’s unceremonious ‘expansion’. “_

“Yes, about that: Could you go into some detail? About why your particular area was absorbed into the Park?”

“ _Well, after the fire, the landlord…”_

“I’m guessing that would be Mammon.”

“ _...Yes, Mammon decided it was time to not only rebuild, but to expand. I’m guessing that he believed the fire would provide a good excuse.”_

“How much of the park did the fire consume?”

“ _I’d say….roughly half, maybe? It started at the tent for the Robo Fizzarolli show and basically spread into the carnival area.”_

“So basically the entire entrance way?”

“ _Yeah, and into neighboring areas as well. Some of the sparks actually made their way over here. I saw a bunch of apartment flats burning that night.”_

“So you were here before the fire.”

“ _Not for long. I’d set up shop a couple of months ago. It took me some time to get the resources together, plus I had to deal with the hazards.”_

“Hazards?”

“ _The Cleansing, Miss Ong.”_

“Oh, right. I forgot.”

“ _Surely you’ve had to deal with them before?”_

“I tend to lay low as a rule. Usually in a basement. But getting back on track: After the fire, did the Loo Loo Land people move in immediately?”

“ _No, of course not. They had to survey the damage first. Take stock of losses, etc. My restaurant had gone unscathed, but I can’t say the same for the rest of the area.”_

“Why do you think yours was unscathed?”

“ _Pure luck. Also maybe having friends in high places.”_

“And that would be…?”

“ _My patron, of course. Can’t work down here without one, you know.”_

“Ah, of course.”

“ _You do have one, right?”_

“I live in Imp City, so mine is temporary.”

“ _Oh, so you had to drive down the spiral highway...”_

“Don’t remind me. Now after the fire, they decided to ‘absorb’ this neighborhood into Loo Loo Land. Did you have any idea what they were doing at that point?”

“ _Well, I started seeing various Imps who worked for Loo Loo Land in the area. They were interviewing the locals, taking notes, etc. Matter of fact, you should consider speaking to the Imp who runs the gift shop next door. He was the guy who took over for the last occupant.”_

“I’ll keep that in mind. So when did you hear about the actual expansion? Was there a big announcement or something?”

“ _Not much of one. Basically after the Imps with the clipboards left, the construction crews showed up and started_ _renovating. Then the Colonel and Mr. Williams started showing up to supervise the whole thing personally.”_

“Didn’t the previous residents have anything to say?”

“ _Didn’t matter if they did. Mammon had already given the go-ahead. They’d already started building the museum by then. That’s the main attraction, after all.”_

“Have you been there?”

“ _Not yet. I’ve seen them haul stuff into the building, though.”_

“Anything you’d recognize?”

“ _Like what?”_

“Like what’s on this photograph…”

“ _...Hmm. No, I haven’t seen anything quite that specific. All of the boxes they loaded in there were bulky and under heavy guard.”_

“Anything conspicuous about the boxes themselves?”

“ _Just the labels on them. Crescent moon with thirteen stars.”_

* * *

\--- _beep_ \---

Chay rubbed her eyes as she sat up. A soft knock came from the kitchen door.

“Chay? You awake?”

She slowly stood up, using the wall to brace herself. She walked over to the door and opened it.

Behind it was Coi, grinning softly with two mugs of steaming tea in his hands.

“Rough night?”

She took one of the mugs and sniffed the warm fumes. She felt her headache subside a little as she sipped at it.

“Mhmm. A little. This is good tea, by the way.”

“Courtesy of the juice bar near the front gate. They have to treat a lot of hangovers there. Now then, how about some breakfast pho?”

Chay’s stomach growled a little, in spite of how unsteady she felt.

“Mmm..that might be nice. But just don’t make it too heavy.”

“ _Tu as une bouche en bois_ , as they say in France. Don’t worry, I know just what to do…”

Chay tried to straighten out her bed head as she heard Coi fire up his oven.

“Go outside and get some fresh air. I’ll have it ready for us in a few minutes.”

She felt a few pops in her spine as she stretched.

“ I’ll hold you to that.”, she said as she walked up the stairs to the lobby.

* * *

Her phone started buzzing almost as soon she walked outside.

It wasn’t quite as crowded as it had been the previous evening. There were still several families of Imps, succub i , etc. enjoying themselves of course, but she didn’t feel quite as suffocated. There was a soft breeze coming the from the South, and the emerald green sky was pleasant and soothing.

She still felt like she we getting over the mother of all hangovers, though...which was another bad sign.

_If_ _you end up overcome with the hunger again…_

She looked at her phone.

It was Stolas.

She took a deep breath and hit the answer button.

_“Good morning, Miss Ong. I trust you slept well?”_

“ Mmmph.”

_“...I’ll take that as a ‘no’.”_

“ I had to improvise my sleeping arrangements. It...made do.”

_“Hmm, I see. But I don’t wish to waste your time, so to business: How goes the investigation?”_

“ Well, to start with: this place is about as tacky as you can imagine.”

_“Considering the investors, I_ _**c**_ _ **an** _ _imagine.”_

“ But I think I may have made some progress. For one, I’ve already confirmed from a witness that they’ve begun moving their ‘artifacts’ into their museum.”

_“I would certainly hope so, since they’d already advertised the museum’s opening in the flyer. But go on.”_

“I’ve also met the Colonel.”

_“Oh, my. You have my condolences.”_

“I didn’t think he was that bad…”

_“..._ _I’m sensing a ‘but’ coming.”_

Chay sighed and rubbed the bridge of her non-existent nose.

“But then he started using a lot of...racial slurs. Then he started talking to me directly. ”

_“_ _He tried to do the Clark Gable routine, didn’t he?”_

She cringed. Audbily.

_“No need to respond, Miss Ong. I could feel it all the way from here.”_

“ I’ve never wanted to slap someone so hard in my entire existence.”

_“And yet, he is still your biggest suspect, so I expect you to keep a close eye on him.”_

“For the time being. I’m meeting him at the museum for the grand opening this afternoon. I suppose I have you to thank for that?”

_“Like I told you, Miss Ong: I made all of the necessary arrangements. All he knows is that you’re trying to find my necklace. Does he suspect anything?”_

“I...honestly don’t know. He seems almost comically oblivious.”

_“Then no, he suspects nothing._ _When is the opening?”_

“4 PM, like it says on the flyer.”

_“So you still have a few hours. I would advise you to use that time wisely. I shall contact you again in due time. Til then, Miss Ong...”_

The other half of the line clicked dead.

She pocketed her phone. She could hear the sound of pop-guns in the distance, probably from that horrifying mascot showing off the kids. It reminded her of the fireworks from the previous night.

_...A_ _staccato of fireworks exploding_ _in_ _the ruby-red evening sky..._

_Ruby-red..._

_-_ _Wait..._

Her thought was cut off by the smell of warm pho, creeping out from the basement vent near her feet. The hangover feeling was already beginning to recede from the smell.

* * *

“ Wow...you downed that bowl at light-speed.”

Chay wiped her lipless mouth with her sleeve, before burping rather obscenely.

“I’m just now realizing I didn’t actually eat all that much last night…”

Coi shook his head and laughed. “I guess a single egg-roll and some noodles do not a complete meal make. So, what are you gonna do now?”

She sipped at her tea. “Well, first I have to re-join my colleagues, then continue the investigation. I’m hoping to interview the Colonel before nightfall.”

Coi sneered. “Good luck with that.”

Chay raised an eyebrow. “Coi...what is the Colonel like? I mean, usually?”

“Talkative.”, he replied through a mouthful. “Extremely talkative. Reality itself basically ceases to exist to him as soon as he starts chatting.”

_-Really, ya don't say?…_

“I mean, you saw how he was last night, right? He talked to you, tried to charm you...and then immediately forgot you existed as soon as he started eating.”

Chay rolled her eyes. After Coi had served the Colonel his meal (Bodfish had ‘politely’ declined), he proceeded to talk the entire party’s ear off, mostly focusing on Leeroy (at the detriment of Loona’s attention). Viola and Lucius had essentially crawled under the booth and out the door just to get away.

Chay had essentially tuned him out. Probably not the most professional thing to do, but it was the one thing she could do to keep her sanity.

And it wasn’t like she was able to get his attention back anyway.

_-Fuck it. I guess I’ll have to get into the museum with everyone else before I’ll make any substantial progress._

Coi scooped some more pho into her bowl. She took another bite.

“Mmm...I taste green onions, hoisin sauce...even some crushed red chilis. You truly are master, Coi.”

Coi snickered as he sipped his tea.

“Well, it helps to have a customer who knows quality pho.”

“I guess. This is particularly good...kinda reminds me of this amazing bowl I had at this hotel in PC.”

“Really?”, Coi said through a mouthful. “Imagine that.”

**CHAPTER 3 END**


	4. Fire Really Does Melt Steel Beams

**CHAPTER 4**

She met Lucius and Viola at the front gate. Neither of them looked like they had slept much. They were, as usual, bickering at each other as they walked through the parking lot.

Chay could hear them from a block away.

“They offered to buy us a room for the night, Lu.”

“I can’t have that kind of leverage over our heads!”

“It’s fifteen dollars, for fucks’ sake!”

They kept yelling at each other all the way to the gate, walking clear past Chay and into the park.

Chay turned to the security guard and shook her head. He in turn simply nodded before slipping into his morning nap.

“Guys, where are the others?”

The two Imps stopped talking long enough to belatedly acknowledge her presence.

“They’ll be here in due time. Moxxie wanted to cook Millie breakfast.”

“Can you imagine trying to cook in a hotel kitchen?”, Lucius remarked while gagging.

“I can’t imagine…”, Chay replied while rolling her eyes. “And Loona and Blitzo?”

“On their way here from the office. Loona convinced Blitzo to ditch the spiral highway so they should be here any time now.”

Chay stared dumbly at the two.

“There was a short cut the whole time?”, she asked.

“Don’t ask.”, Viola replied.

Chay shook her head. “Fine. Anyway, did you two find anything out?”

Lucius turned to Viola, who fished around in her jacket pocket for her hellphone.

“I decided to do a little research last night”, she remarked. “Specifically about the fire and what caused it.”

“And?”

She pressed the ‘Vox News’ app on her phone. The screen was then filled with a screen capture of a news article, dated back a few months.

“So first thing’s first: Look around this place. Notice anything?”

Chay and Lucius’s eyes wandered around the park. Much like the previous day, it was filled with Imp families, succubi, and other Hellborn wandering around the carnival grounds. Suspicious corndogs, rigged games...fairly standard.

“Pretty much what we saw yesterday.”, Lucius remarked.

“I think I have an idea where this is going.”, Chay replied.

“Maybe”, said Viola. “Now keep that thought in your head and follow me.”

The trio trudged their way through the crowds further into the park. They passed  a series of disturbing animatronics (including a rickety abomination that was supposed to be a dinosaur) before stopping in front of a large, circus-style tent. The sign above it was of recent origin, as if the paint had just finished drying.

Which made sense, as this particular area was the epicenter of the fire.

“The Fizzarolli tent”, Viola remarked. “Well, a reasonable fascimile of Fizzarolli, anyway”.

Chay immediately recognized the robotic jester...’thing’ on the sign. There had been similar figures when she was alive (including a certain infernal rodent) who were ubiquitous corporate symbols plastered on every conceivable widget imaginable. This jester was the crown jewel of Mammon’s empire.

Of course, the  _ real _ Fizzarolli wouldn’t be caught dead (in a matter of speaking) in this off-brand imitation of Lu Lu World,  in which only the Imps and other low Hellborn could  barely afford  to enjoy . Instead, Mammon had commissioned a life-like robotic duplicate from Big Ozzie to take his place.  In spite of the robot’s imperfections, it worked: the money rolled in and the plebians of the lower rings could enjoy a reasonable  facsimile of saccharine corporate fluff.

... Which  was basically the long way of saying  that  Fizzarolli was the embodiment of everything Lucius, Viola, Chay, and all of the other members of the ILF absolutely  _ despised _ .

“This is where it started”, Viola explained. “There was an altercation near the entrance, which kicked over a cart carrying lit torches.”

Chay said nothing. Lucius raised an eyebrow.

“I...guess I’ll just file that away in the ‘shit don’t make sense’ column, but go on.”

“The fire spread pretty rapidly.”, she continued. “Eventually it engulfed over half the park. Smoke could be seen from several miles away. Damage was extensive. Even the Fizzarolli robot had to be rebuilt almost entirely from scratch.”

“Must have cost a lot to rebuild it all.”, Chay said. “And at _that_ speed?”

“Oh please, Mammon could pull money right out of his painted ass and never go broke.”, remarked Lucius derisively. “This was probably chump change for him.”

“And yet somehow, the place still looks like a run-down hunk of shit.”, Chay said. 

“Because like all bourgeois oppressors, he’s also a cheapskate. Hence why he was able to rebuild as quickly as he did.” Lucius barely hid his disgust.

Chay looked around the tent. There were several merchandise stalls nearby, hawking every imaginable piece of Fizzarolli merchandise imaginable: t-shirts, drinking cups, novelty frozen treats, even a sex doll. It was like a forest of shameless consumerism, one that would require trekking through several miles of cheap knick-knacks before reaching the Wild West town at the other end.

And that’s when it hit her.

“….The fire never went beyond this point.”, Chay said.

In spite of how shabby the park looked, and that’s even _after_ the fire, there appeared to be a demarcation line between the rebuilt sections of the park, and the parts that were either untouched by the fire or were salvageable.

“Which was the suspicion I had last night.”, answered Viola. “You just now confirmed it for me.”

“Wait, you can’t confirm something like that just on sight alone, can you?”, Lucius asked.

“No, you can’t….”, Chay answered.

You looked passed the tent to the surrounding structures. Next to the tent were the various merchandise booths, filled with the aformentioned Fizz crap.

But of the few dozen or so booths, she began to notice the roofs...specifically how some of them appeared to be folding in on themselves.

“...But I know how we can.”

* * *

“Y’all be safe ridin’ into the sunset, ya hear!”

The Imp behind the counter tried to give his best farewell to the family of Imps leaving his shop. The little kids were giggling with their brand-new popguns and bow n’ arrow sets, while the parents were carefully handling their ‘authentic’ Native American miniatures.

Both, of course, were just cheaply made crap. But the expensive illusion was part of the ‘fun’ of Loo Loo Land, apparently, and that was especially true at Mr. Williams’ Valley of Bullshit. He wasn’t sure exactly where the boss managed to get ahold of such cheaply-made crap. Big Ozzie, maybe? He had the monopoly on sub-par merchandise in this part of Hell, so he wouldn’t put it past him.

He just wished he could have been able to find a better location. The Imp was nearly gagging on the scent of soy sauce and MSG with every breath.

It was a daily issue for him. He had told Wong that he needed to install  filters in his kitchen if he was going to keep cooking his strip-mall crap. Wong only laughed his dumb laugh and replied ‘But I make flied rice so nice!’. The very thought made him cringe.

H e opened the cash register and pulled out the bills inside, flipping through them and counting them thoroughly. He wrong the amount on a notepad and then put the cash into the safe underneath the desk. He had to shove aside his collection of Imp porn and other illicit literature in order to get to it, but he accomplished it without sending the entire pile tumbling to his hooves.

Hey, at least the job payed reasonably well. Better than most of the shit jobs he’d had in Imp City, at least.

He heard a jingle from the front of the store.  More fucking customers.

He took a deep breath  (nearly gagging, again) and put his cowboy hat on his head, trying to put on his best salesman face. 

“Howdy, pardner! Can I get ya some knick-kna – Holy shit, Chay?!”

The tall ghoul girl and her two Imp companions walked into the shop, and stopped dead in their tracks in shock.

“Fyewackett?!”, Lucius exclaimed. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

The Imp looked down at his hooves, blushing from embarassment. “Um...greetings, comrade Lucius.”

* * *

“Thanks for breakfast, darlin’!”

Millie gave her husband a peck on the cheek, causing him to blush. The two trudged through the parking lot towards the gate.

“No problem, Millie. That hotel pantry was surprisingly well-stocked.”

“Guess the tourists keep the money rolling in. Are we meeting the others at the gate?”  
  


“They said they would meet us in the park proper. Chay is probably already combing the place.”

They trudged through the parking lot, navigating through a wilderness of cars and concrete before finally making their way to the front gate. The security guard was fast asleep, with a copy of _Imp Juggs_ spread across his gelatinous stomach. Neither Imp bothered to wake him.

Moxxie’s phone buzzed. It was the Boss.

“Sir?”, he asked into the phone.

“ _Think fast!”_

“..I’m not sure I undersTAAAAAAGGH!”

Moxxie’s sentence was cut off by the rib-cracking impact of Blitzo crashing horns-first into him.

...From an angle.

...With a parachute now deflated and dangling from his back.

Millie just managed to dodge the impact as her husband clattered to the ground.

“Mox! Are you OK, baby?”, Millie asked, understandably worried.

“S-sir….why?...and _how_?”

Blitzo shrugged the parachute pack off of his shoulders and brushed the dust off of his coat.

“The elevator brokedown halfway, so I had to improvise. You would have done the same.”

Moxxie wanted to say something to answer that, but his lungs were still too oxygen deficient to form a sentence.

“...Or he could have waited five more minutes.”, Loona replied, suddenly appearing next to Millie.

“Wait, how did you…?”

“It fixed itself shortly after he jumped. I’ve been waiting for the rest of you.”

Millie shook her head and grabbed her husband by his shoulders, slowly raising him up to his feet.

“I...I think the stitches in my mouth just popped…” he moaned.

“Awww, my poor baby…”, she said with a pout as she rubbed her cheek against her injured husband’s face.

“So are we gonna meet Chay and those ILF goons or what?”, Loona asked.

“Now Loony, don’t speak that way about our colleagues like that.”, Blitzo replied. “They’ve given us plenty of business in the past…”

The group walked past the carnival area and made their way to the Wild West town.

“...And considering the socio-economic system isn’t changing anytime soon, we’ll probably get plenty more. Now let’s hurry back to the horses!”

B litzo ran forward with his arms waving in the air, squeeing like a child. The other three followed, embarrassed. 

* * *

Coi had told Chay that she should speak with the Imp who ran the gift shop next to his restaurant, but she didn’t expect to run into a fellow ILF operative.

Fyewackett was an Imp of average height (roughly around 3 ft.), with dark brown hair, pale red skin (covered in dark brown freckles), green eyes and prominent front teeth, with short curved white horns extending from his head. He was probably the most average looking Imp that one could encounter, and he took advantage of it. He had the uncanny ability to blend himself into a crowd.

But his credentials didn’t end there. Of all of the members of the Imp Liberation Front, man or woman, Chay had never met one more earnest than Fyewackett. Whereas so many recruits had dreams in their heads of urban warfare and glorious urban rioting, Fye was pretty much the only one willing to actually go out to the Imp masses and do the hard work. When it came to organizing neighborhood committees, or directing mutual aid networks, or collecting bribe money for the organization, Fyewackett was the first to volunteer.

W hich didn’t always play well for Lucius’s ego.

“Fye...what have I told you about undertaking unauthorized operations?”

The younger Imp continued to stare at his hooves, not answering.

“...Come on, Fye. We’ve had this conversation before. At least a dozen times.”

Still nothing.

Viola loudly sighed and rubbed her nose. “Fye, just answer him before he starts going on his tirade about ‘democratic centralism’. You know he’s going to.”

The younger Imp sighed and finally replied to his superior.

“...Unauthorized operations put the entire organization in jeopardy, endanger fellow comrades in the struggle and break Party discipline.”, he replied sheepishly.

“Exactly! So do you mind explaining _why_ you’re using that demeaning accent in this two-bit capitalist hovel selling bargain-bin trash?!”

Chay raised an eyebrow. “Actually, I’m pretty curious to hear that myself.”

The young Imp groaned and shook his head.

“You already know the reason I’m here. Why would an ILF agent be out among the masses in this place?”

He put his hands in his pockets and walked out from behind the counter.

“Because Imps were forced out of their homes, and the whole situation stinks from top to bottom.”

He walked up to Lucius and stared him dead in the eyes.

“Admit it, you think the same thing. Why else would you be here?

Lucius crossed his arms and grunted.

“You’re right. It does stink, especially after what we just discovered.”

Fyewackett looked up at Chay.

“What is he talking about?”

Chay reached into her pocket and pulled out her Hellphone, swiping to the camera feature and bringing up her saved photos.

“Fye, when did you first get here?”

The Imp shrugged his shoulders. “A couple of days after the fire. When I heard that an Imp neighborhood had burned to the ground, I figured that we could perhaps do some outreach work in the effected area. You know, mutual aid and such. Recently bereaved Imps would make great converts to the cause.”

Lucius nodded. “Understandable, if still reckless. Go on.”

Fye rolled his eyes. “Anyway, from talking to a few of them I learned that the nearby fire at Loo Loo Land was what was being blamed. Something about a couple of stray sparks being carried by the wind?”

Chay fingered through the photo files on her phone, nodding along with Fye’s explanation. “Yes, that’s what we heard last night…”

“Well, as you can probably imagine, I almost immediately smelled bullshit. For one thing, the buildings in this neighborhood were largely made out concrete and brick. Now, I’ll grant that Hell can produce fires hot enough to melt platinum, but a ‘few stray sparks’ would still be insufficient to set such a blaze.”

Chay stopped fingering her phone. ‘And the other thing?”

Fyewackett narrowed his eyes. “I checked the weather reports during that day. It was  humid , and the wind barely got over 3 mph. For a spark to travel all this way out here, it would have had to have traveled slowly through the air during the chaos, while still managing to keep it’s heat.  Both of those points seem to declare that this was arson. ”

Chay tapped her phone one more time and brought up a single photo from her files. “And now we can confirm it for you.”

Chay widened the photo on her phone and showed it to her Imp companions. It was a picture of the wall on the Funhouse near the center of the park, with the vaguely Lucifer-esqe face and it’s mouth wrapped around the entrance.

“See that area near the ‘turret’? The one next to the ‘N’ in ‘FUN HOUSE’?”

Fyewackett looked closely at the picture. The area noted looked mostly normal...except that it was slightly bent in the middle, vaguely folding in on itself.

“It looks warped.”

“It is warped.”, Viola replied. “From the heat of the fire.”

“We found several more severe examples while walking here, but that was the farthest out we could find warping. Anything that wasn’t warping had been rebuilt to the lowest standards possible, but were still new.”

Fye slapped his forehead. “So that proves it. It _was_ arson.”

“And because it only happened to Imps…”, Lucius proclaimed, gritting his teeth with anger. “...nobody gives a shit.”

Chay put her phone back into her pocket. “Fyewackett, have you been here long enough to see the owners?”

“Mammon?”, he asked.

“No, I mean Mr. Williams and the Colonel.”, she replied.

He crossed his arms. “A couple of times, but never up close. Those guys are usually under heavy guard when they’re in public.”

“With a black-wooled sheep demon?”, Chay asked.

The young Imp hissed with anger. “Don’t remind me. Those fuckers all show up like goddamn royalty, with a standard and everything.”

That got Chay’s attention.

“A standard? Like a flag?”

That in turn got Viola’s attention.

“Yeah.”, Fyewackett answered. “The Colonel is usually the one who does the talking, but I get the sense that Mr. Williams is the real power broker. He acts like it, to. Did you guys see that presentation he gave yesterday at the grand opening?”

Viola was already visibly gagging.

“I’ll take that as a yes”, Fye replied. “Anyway, you saw that cheesy bunting hanging all over the stage? That’s made of his standard.”

Lucius shrugged. “Looked like regular star-spangled bullshit to me.”

“It looks that way because it’s all folded up, but it’s not a US flag.”

“Then what flag is it?”, Viola asked.

“I’ll show you”, Fye answered. He walked behind his salesman counter and reached underneath it.

“We aren’t selling these just yet, at least not until the end of the week.”

He pulled out a small  handkerchief and unfolded it, showing the entire pattern printed onto the cloth.

It was a flag, with two blue horizontal stripes on the top and bottom, a white stripe in the center, and an inverted red star located dead center.

Viola’s eyes grew serious.

“Chay, when is the museum opening?”, she asked.

Chay checked the time on her phone. It was noon.

“In about four hours.”, she replied.

Viola nodded.

“...I have some research to do.”

* * *

Meanwhile, next door to the gift shop, Coi was in the middle of the lunch rush. Sweating underneath his rice hat, deep into his Wong persona, he was shoveling out fried rice and chop suey as fast as his wok could cook them.

Suddenly, his hellphone began violently vibrating in his pocket.

“Gimme five minute!”, he shouted to the Imp family on the other side of the counter. “Got pushy customah on phone!”

He ducked behind the counter and looked at who was calling him.

His eyes became serious. It was his boss.

He hit the answer button.

“Yes ma’am?”

He nodded along to the other voice on the phone. He pulled the buckteeth from his lips in order to speak more clearly.

“Yes, ma’am, She’s next door. I saw them walk into the premises a few minutes ago.”

More chatter.

“Oh, I see. Does Mr. Goetia know of it?”

The other side answered him.

Coi’s eyes widened in surprise. “That...that is a significant development, ma’am.”

_“Hey jackass, where're my eggrolls?!”_

Coi sighed. “I fear I have to get back to work, ma’am.”

More chatter.

“Yes ma’am, I promise I’ll contact you tonight. I wouldn’t ignore this for anything.”

The voice on the other end gave their thanks.

He nodded.

“Yes, and give lady Vag atha my regards.”

**CHAPTER 4 END**


End file.
